Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2011 0703.mpg


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Episode Description:

Well received by the intelligentsia in Northern New England, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show The humble Farmer has produced every week since April 6, 1978 for radio and now for television.

Music by: Clark Terry, Denny Breau, Django Reinhardt, Gray Sargent, Frank Manduca, Scott Hamilton, and Woody Herman.

This show contains 1.57 minutes of guitarist Denny Breau live on stage on Monhegan and 1.19 minutes of The humble Farmer trying to entertain some friends in a tent at the Common Ground Fair in 47 degree weather. A band is playing in an adjacent tent 10 feet away.

Much of the video over the music shows The humble Farmer and his 14-year-old friend moving a 1926 Model T Ford from one barn to the boy’s barn. Tame fare, indeed, for viewers expecting someone to be shot, arrested or blown up.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out with a clip of The humble Farmer with bare shoulders. He remarks that old people have been known to be forgetful and he hopes it will never happen to him. It ends, as usual, with the Keystone Cops driving a car off the end of a dock.

Here's the approximate humorous commentary for The humble Farmer show for the week of July 3, 2011.
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1. Every day we read that someone dies or is injured in a boating incident. Many years ago I could have died or been seriously injured in a kayak accident. Luckily, I had sense enough to stay home that day.
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2. Some people who stopped in to visit yesterday said they were living in a house I built in 1965 and sold for $19,000 or so. They said they paid $250,000 for it so you might guess that they are not school teachers. After they left I dug around in the huge wooden chest that contains my pictures. You know what happens when you dig through hundreds of old pictures. You get to see things that bring back memories. I found an August 1940 picture of Aunt Ada and Lucinda and my Model T and the Model T in that 1940 picture was sitting right where it was when I bought it in 1951. I found a picture I took of Reggie Montgomery who was out delivering newspapers in the January blizzard of 1971. And I found a 1960 picture of a Swedish girl who once commanded my attention. She is speaking to a little girl as her aged grandparents watch in the background. When I showed the picture to my wife she said the only person in the picture she could recognize was me. And I do look just like him. Does one old man look just like every other old man?
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3. Comments on Urban Agriculture
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4. We read that a young ATV operator sustained serious injuries yesterday. Anyone who lives next door to an operator of one of these machines probably has opinions on them. Does not the fact that young people can buy beer, cigarettes and ATVs with their surplus cash suggest that one can easily live the good life on minimum wage?
Most of the time an ATV is running it is stationary, and one must assume that there is something about the vroom vroom vroom that some young people find stimulating. Then, once warmed up, they race up and down the road, sounding much like a motorcycle without a muffler. Braaam, braaam. Because ATVs are heavy and can rut up fields and destroy forests, we don’t say a word when we see them roaring up and about on a tarred surface. --- Good place for them. Anyone who watches --- or more often hears --- them zip by marvels that only one or two ATV accidents warrant Maine headlines in the course of a week, and we wonder how many injuries go unreported.
What can a neighbor do but sit back and realize that it’s all about kids having good, clean fun?
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5. We are shocked to read that socialism is not only embraced by the financial wizards on Wall Street and that presidential candidate from Minnesota Michele Bachmann, but now conservative farmers up in The County. Yes, Maine potato farmers are going to get some kind of help from the government. Should this manifestation of socialism be stamped out quickly before our education and healthcare systems also approximate those of Northern Europe?
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6. Yesterday we read on a newspaper’s blog that when a car with seasonal studded tires was pulled over, the officer noticed that the person driving wasn’t wearing a seat belt. We read that the driver pushed the officer, swallowed a bag of cocaine, and fled into a nearby swamp. Although many of us have two sets of rear wheels that we change in season, with the weather we’ve been having in Maine wouldn’t you suppose it is possible to forget that summer is finally here although you still have studded tires on your car? And can we condemn the weed or cocaine when it is used by many of our friends who would otherwise be in pain? Isn’t pushing a police office a natural reaction to unthinking panic, which could happen to anyone? And couldn’t gobbling up enough cocaine to kill a horse and sprinting into a swamp also be attributed to a natural panic brought on by the alternative of jail time? Do we agree that all of these things could be ascribed to the knee-jerk reaction of the average rational mind? But isn’t anyone who drives without a seatbelt completely bonkers?
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7. Some members of the intelligentsia have asked me why I tolerate on my Facebook page an occasional posting that is obviously false or the manifestations of an uneducated mind’s convoluted or provincial thinking. Think about this. I am first and foremost an educator, and my Facebook page might be the only opportunity one or two friends have to read anything that was not served up to them by talk radio, the boys down at the machine shop or Fox news.
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8. If you visit enough stores in Camden, you’ll find a book named, “Why Gay Guys are a Girl’s Best Friend.” How could you argue with that? Anybody who thinks about it at all knows that gay guys are everybody’s best friend. Ever see one run up your taxes by sending 8 kids to your school’s remedial reading program? Ever have one break your heart by marrying your high school sweetheart or running off with your wife? Seeing that book brought to mind a poem I wrote years ago when I was a young unmarried man that summarizes the situation: “Oh what a great world this would be, if all the guys were gay --- but me.”
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9. Someone wrote a letter to the newspaper about legalizing firecrackers: “16 year old kids in Maine are already setting things on fire and blowing up anything & everything in gravel pits. This just puts a new tax on something that nobody cares about being taxed and focuses those kids efforts on something less dangerous than a can of gasoline or a pipe-bomb full of gunpowder” What a powerful sentence --- “kids in Maine are already setting things on fire and blowing up anything & everything in gravel pits.” Seems as in recent years a very bright young neighbor set one of my huge spruce trees afire when he tried to blow it up with a pipe bomb. Kids hear things and see things but they do not understand the physics of what they hear and see and therefore experiment for themselves. Penrod and Huck Finn were only famous because all boys could identify with the foolish things they did. When I was probably 10 or 12 I was aware that gasoline exploded, but, wanting to see kaboom for myself, I bought a gallon of gas in a tin can. I put the can in the middle of a --- yes, a gravel pit --- and tried to touch the thing off with a match I had attached to the end of a 20-foot pole. Because the can was full to the brim, seems as all it did was burn at the top like a candle. It is a wonder that any boy survives to produce children of his own. Although the directions for the pipe bomb probably came off the early Internet, modern parents wishing to affix blame should remember that Huck, Penrod and I were able to invent our own experiments even before the advent of television.
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10. We read about a new law that will outlaw the use of
Methy-lene dioxy pyro valeron. Perhaps the new law will specify that the only folks who can obtain it will be those who can say it or spell it.
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Thank you for considering The humble Farmer.

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SD (Standard Definition) File

File Name of SD Episode: humble 2011 0703.mpg

Total SD Episode Video Runtime (hh:mm:ss): 00:55:56

File Size of SD Episode Video: 2,660,651,012 Bytes

Resolution of SD Episode Video: 720x480

Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Friday, July 15, 2011 - 09:52


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