Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2011 0626.mpg

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Episode Description:

Well received by the intelligentsia in Northern New England, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show The humble Farmer has produced every week since April 6, 1978 for radio and now for television.

Music by: Clark Terry, Denny Breau, Erroll Garner, Brad Terry, The Gendarmes, McKinney’s Cotton Pickers, Ukulele Ike, and Clarence Williams.

This show contains 3.25 minutes of guitarist Denny Breau live on stage on Monhegan and 47 seconds of The humble Farmer on stage in Jefferson.

Much of the video over the music shows The humble Farmer and his 14-year-old friend moving a 1926 Model T Ford from one barn down to the boy’s barn. Tame fare, indeed, for viewers expecting someone to be shot, arrested or blown up.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out with a clip of the Model T being pulled onto a trailer and ends, as usual with the Keystone Cops driving a car off the end of a dock.

Here's the approximate humorous commentary for The humble Farmer show for the week of June 26, 2011.
1. Did you read in the paper that young man who was put in the back of a police car kicked out both back windows and when they put him in the back of a second police car, he bent the frame? Do you find it hard to believe that a young man could bend the frame in a police car? Isn’t that caliber of damage more likely to be the work of an unhappy woman?
2. In yesterday's on-line newspaper almost 500 people wrote in to rain hellfire on the gay marriage law that recently passed in New York. So when I read today that “When builder [xxx] constructed a home for his partner…” I expected to see over 400 letters beneath the article condemning x for his perverted lifestyle. But then in the next word when we learn that his “partner” is a woman the article suddenly becomes innocuous and devoid of interest. Although the home builder would have been in big trouble here in 1692, our local Deity’s wrath has been somewhat tempered, and only a handful of God-fearing folks see anything in their pre-nuptial relationship worthy of damnation, condemnation or even commentary. For some reason I’m reminded of my grandmother’s brother who never drove his 1928 Chevrolet up our driveway for fear of getting a nail in a tire. One cold day when great-uncle couldn’t start his car my father got behind the wheel to give it a try. When papa pulled out the choke and started the car, great-uncle hollered at him to not pull out that choke knob as it was only to be used when you ran out of gas. Great-uncle would sometimes drive down from Gleason Street in Thomaston, visit in our kitchen, smoke a cigar and click his teeth (they didn’t fit and rattled) as he told about how he was going to relish seeing so-and-so burn in hell. Grammy told him he’d be so busy looking out for his own skin he wouldn’t have time to worry about anyone else. Every time I hear someone predicting hell and damnation for some poor sinner, I click my teeth together and think to myself, “Don’t pull out that choke --- you only use a choke on a car when it’s running out of gas.”
3. Here’s a TV headline that said, “Colorado trip proves terrifying” and it showed guys in helmets and life jackets on rubber rafts swirling down this ravine with the foam and water all a flying. I didn’t catch it all but I think it said some guy might lose his leg. Now --- perhaps I don’t fully grasp the reason people have for putting on life jackets and helmets and shoving off into a roaring torrent with a rubber boat. But the rush that it entails would seem to me to be right up there with bungee jumping and petting alligators. So why is it news if a neophyte engaged in any one of these soul-enriching experiences should be terrified --- or be surprised at the end of the day that he is lacking a limb?
4. In the early 1940s there was a well-dressed man who walked up and down the road. I think his name was Ervin Broadbent and I think he lived on Factory Road in Port Clyde where his family still has a summer place. He would give me firecrackers. Years later I learned that he was a veteran of WW I who was shell shocked. A neighbor just told me that Ervin spent his last days in Togus as a member of the “walking wounded” as they called it then. China might have us licked when it comes to making gardening tools but we certainly lead the world today when it comes to producing the walking wounded.
5. And here’s a newspaper story of a man who startled an observer by his activity in the shower of a YMCA locker room. What he was doing was so unspeakable that I choose to not mention it on this program. You might have read enough of Isaac Asimov’s science fiction to realize that all rules imposed by society’s Mrs. Grundy are arbitrary. On another planet this man’s behavior might be regarded as normal although he might be executed for rubbing his nose.
6. And here’s someone who thinks that crime can be eliminated in Bangor by tearing down rat-infested buildings that provide shelter for a certain segment of our population. This is not an original solution to the elimination of crime. Years ago someone said that the best way to eliminate crime on a certain Boston street was to make the street one-way. Their reasoning was that you’d be cutting off the available escape route by 50 percent.
7. Don’t be surprised if you have never heard of Bruno Mars. In trying to ascertain the reason for Bruno Mars’ appearance on the Today show one morning, I Googled and learned that he co-wrote a hit song entitled --- well, I can’t even say the name of that song on the radio, but that song, the name of which I can’t say, helped Bruno Mars to be nominated for seven Grammys, and win Best Male Pop Performance. In recent years I’ve been in awe of TV preachers who milk old ladies for millions and I often wish I’d gotten into the evangelical preacher business years ago myself. If there is one positive element in the thinking evinced by the Bruno Mars generation, they have certainly pointed religion in a fresh, new direction.
8. We are always hearing about how easily con men relieve us of our dollars. We know this because from time to time someone calls the police with a shopworn tale of woe. But how many other people do you suppose have given away thousands of dollars to con men but felt too foolish to report it to the police? These fleeced folks are as harmless as sheared sheep and only hurt themselves --- until they show up at the polls to place their state and national governments into the hands of scoundrels. From having studied John Q. Public for a long time we may postulate that John Q. Public is a nice man but he is an incredibly innocent rube who can be suckered into going along with most anything. John Q. Public believes anything he is told. Without him Victor Lustig could never have sold the Eiffel tower to a junk dealer. Without him Houdini could never have made a five ton elephant disappear. Without him George W. Bush could never have destroyed our economy while enriching his friends with a very profitable war in Iraq.
9. Did you ever see Johnny Weissmuller in the movies? He was an Austrian who won several Olympic gold medals in the 1920s, and went on to play the role of Tarzan who lived in a cozy tree house with Cheeta and Jane. I’ve always thought that it was strange that Tarzan should have to fortify himself in a tree house because he was reputedly on such good terms with all of the animals. Is it not staggering to realize that had Weissmuller been born 60 years later, we would probably see him on TV today in an altogether different house, surrounded by the Secret Service? --- And that he would never have won election had many people realized the movie Cheeta was played by chimpanzees of both sexes?
10. You have heard me say that I enjoy watching TV preachers. The one I saw yesterday said that wonderful things would happen to you if you sent him $273. He called it seed money. The three in the 273, or the Trinity, is self explanatory. But I was really blown away and my hand even made uncontrollable motions towards my checkbook when he pointed out that 2 plus 7 plus 3 is 12. Because I have put in gardens I know that you have to plant seeds if you want pumpkin heads to carve for Halloween. But I never produced such a lucrative crop as I’m sure that preacher did yesterday. Why does he ask people to send him seed money? Why does he call it seed money? After that preacher got his hands on your money nobody never seed it again.
Thank you for considering The humble Farmer.

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SD (Standard Definition) File

File Name of SD Episode: humble 2011 0626.mpg

Total SD Episode Video Runtime (hh:mm:ss): 00:55:56

File Size of SD Episode Video: 2,660,661,252 Bytes

Resolution of SD Episode Video: 720x480

Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Tuesday, July 5, 2011 - 05:57

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