Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2011 0619.mpg

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Episode Description:

Well received by the intelligentsia in Northern New England, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show The humble Farmer has produced every week since April 6, 1978 for radio and now for television.

Music by: Clark Terry, Denny Breau, Fats Waller, Django Reinhardt, Harry Allen, Brad Terry, Bud Powell, Cab Callaway and Scott Hamilton.

This show contains a few minutes of guitarist Denny Breau live on stage on Monhegan.

Much of the video over the music shows The humble Farmer making a rack that will keep his telephone from sliding off his desk. Tame fare, indeed, for viewers expecting someone to be shot, arrested or blown up.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out with a clip of Marsha’s granddaughter driving humble’s 1919 Model T and ends, as usual, with the Keystone Cops driving a car off the end of a dock.

Here's the approximate humorous commentary for The humble Farmer show for the week of June 19, 2011.
1. Were you surprised to read that after beating on an Orneville citizen with a baseball bat and brass knuckles, the suspects left the scene in a pickup truck? For just once in your life wouldn’t you like to read that someone left a Maine crime scene in a chauffeur driven Bentley?
2. You might have recently read in the newspaper about that poor man who was “46 years old and no career to fall back on" A lot of us would like to be 46 again and have no career to fall back on. I was 47 the first time I stood on a stage and with shaking hands and pounding heart read some of my funniest newspaper columns.--- 54 when I married Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman. --- 62 when I started to learn how to read French. --- over 70 when I copied a definition of fascism out of the Encyclopedia Britannica and shook Maine to its very conservative foundations by reading that definition of fascism on the radio. That 46-year-old guy they were talking about is only a kid and still has a lot of good miles left in him. If you had your TV on while you were eating dinner the other day, you might have noticed that even soap opera star Victor Newman, who has died several times over the past 20 years, is still leap-frogging about fathering children.
3. Did you hear about the people who bought a house that was infested with snakes? They had to move out. The snakes drove them out. A friend of mine who lives with his brother-in-law says he’d be glad to swap places with the snake man. My friend obviously doesn’t realize that if you loan a snake $100, you’re likely to see him again.
4. Here’s a former teacher who is going to jail for photographing a small child in a French maid’s uniform. How many times do we raise an eyebrow when someone engages in an activity that seems strange and unnatural to us? I am referring, of course, to the many owners of small businesses who are blissfully unaware that they continually go to the polls and vote against their own economic interests.
5. Did you read about the Canadian woman who was sentenced to five months for bringing a Brazilian woman through customs in her trunk and letting her off at a restaurant in Madawaska? I would hope that anyone who dropped me off anywhere in Madawaska would get at least a year.
6. Did you hear about the guy who got out of his car lugging a shotgun when the police pulled him over? It was only a few hours ago that a retired state cop from Stafford Springs was sitting in my living room. I told him that I couldn’t understand how anyone would have the courage to have a job that was likely to entail dealing with mentally unstable rebels on a daily basis. He said, “But didn’t you teach school?”
7. Just before I looked at my favorite newspaper blog one morning, my wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, said, “I would expect you to wear gold and black today. I know you would not be able to do anything today unless you knew that the Boston Bruins won the Golden Gloves.” Isn’t this what true love is all about? --- A wife who keeps her husband posted on the things that she knows are closest to his heart? And then, when I looked at my favorite newspaper blog, what a coincidence --- there was an article about these Boston Bruins people. From the pictures I figured out that they were hockey players. Wouldn't you think that just for fun we'd occasionally see an article in some newspaper hypothesizing on what we’d have for a world today had there been no Erwin Schrödinger or August Pott or Rudolph Carnap? Wouldn’t you think that once in a great while a newspaper editor would give us something to think about?
8. We read that 44,000 boxes of Girl Scout cookies will be distributed among the guard and reserve units in Maine. Because we know few people who do not like cookies or appreciate the work of the Girl Scouts, this is good. But --- because I have chosen to be a veteran who is still able to walk into Togus on his own two feet, it has been seven or so years since I’ve eaten a cookie of any denomination. As a result of my no-sweets diet, at 75 years or age I am not only able to stoop over and tie my shoestrings, I can also attain a reasonably upright position when I have finished. Perhaps what I’m trying to say here is that although the military has not yet gone so far, some of us have tried to prolong our tenuous existence by being careful about what we eat. To their credit, however, the military and its attendant service groups have come a long way. Sixty years ago the first thing they’d send to a hurting soldier was a carton of cigarettes.
9. You might have heard that five Maine youngsters are in jail for breaking into a house and robbing it. When we read that so many of our young people live lonely, alienated lives, is it not unfortunate that we cannot applaud these few who are obviously able to work together for a common goal?
10. Have you heard the latest gossip about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s recently acquired son? Now that the kid is 10 or so and looks like Arnold it finally came out. But had people been thinking, they would have seen it years before on the day the kid flipped over a Federal Express truck while looking for his lost puppy.
11. Because my recipe for Spaghetti For The Single Person was printed in the Maine Writer’s Cookbook (along with Stephen King’s recipe for Ghoul Lash), my inordinate if self-proclaimed culinary prowess precludes any pretense of amateurism.

That said, for years my emails have ended with an invitation to stop by for dinner anytime. It is safe to do this because my wife is usually not here until suppertime. If She heard you were coming for dinner, She would buy $179 worth of groceries and then slave over a hot stove for two days baking delectable goodies.

The table would be set the night before.

But, like the people in this informative article, I am able to whip up tasty, nutritious meals at the drop of a hat by simply rummaging in the refrigerator --- usually because She leaves a plate or two in there microwave ready.

You wonder how I can invite thousands of friends to drop in for dinner anytime. In the many years I’ve been doing it I can only remember of one man who took me up on it. We had apple dumplings left over from the day before. He was a Colby professor who has since died.
12. I recently read on line that liberals love to quote Sinclair Lewis' line that “When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross.” Have you ever wondered why only liberals quote Sinclair Lewis' line that " “When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying the cross.”? Only liberals have ever heard of Sinclair Lewis.
13. We read in the paper that a Brewer woman was arrested for biting her ex-boyfriend’s thumb. Lorina Bobbitt’s husband should have been so lucky.
Thank you for considering The humble Farmer.

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[HD File Downloads]: 0

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SD (Standard Definition) File

File Name of SD Episode: humble 2011 0619ThirdTry.mpg

Total SD Episode Video Runtime (hh:mm:ss): 00:55:56

File Size of SD Episode Video: 2,660,655,108 Bytes

Resolution of SD Episode Video: 720x480

Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Monday, June 20, 2011 - 22:20

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If you wish to have HD format, you can private message a request to the show's producer at The humble Farmer.