Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2011 0320.mpg

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Episode Description:

Well received by the intelligentsia in Northern New England, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show The humble Farmer has produced every week since April 6, 1978 for radio and now for television.

Music by: Clark Terry, Natalie Coe, Lee Morse, Brad Terry, Fletcher Henderson, Slim Galliard, Woody Herman, Denny Breau and Earl Hines.

This show contains a few seconds of The humble Farmer live on stage and 6.26 minutes guitarist Denny Breau live on stage on Monhegan.

Much of the video over the music shows The humble Farmer building a wooden box on his trailer in his friend’s garage.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out with a clip of humble riding in a two-wheeled contraption called The Thing at Fort Meade, Florida.

Here's the humorous commentary for The humble Farmer show for the week of March 20, 2011.
1. Did you read in the paper that the sheriff’s department ran a sting operation that had minors attempt to buy alcohol at 43 businesses up in the County? You might remember that twenty-three of the establishments sold alcohol to the minors and were issued a summons. This should come as no surprise: There is something seriously wrong with a system that has not carded me for at least 40 years.
2. We were talking about my old neighbor Gladys who was a master at irony. My friend Doris from Nova Scotia is 93 and Doris also warrants our attention. Doris is sharp. I told her --- that I wanted to tell you --- what it was she said yesterday that made me laugh but I forgot what it was. She said, “Let me see --- oh yes, it was about the….” And then she went over it again, real slow so I could get it. --- If you’re ready --- I was telling Doris about a clarinet player who played for dances back around 1910. But his wife didn’t like it because he was very popular and he was always going home with one of the girls. And Doris said with her very proper 93-year-old voice, “Wasn’t that nice of him. He wanted to make sure they got home safely.”
3. Remember the song Don’t Worry Bout Me? It was written by Rube Bloom, whom I have never heard of. In looking it up I discovered that Rube Bloom also wrote

"Day In, Day Out" - lyrics by Johnny Mercer
"Don't Worry 'Bout Me" - lyrics by Ted Koehler
"Fools Rush In (Where Angels Fear to Tread)" - lyrics by Johnny Mercer
"Give Me the Simple Life" - with Harry Ruby
"Good-for-Nothin' Joe" - lyrics by Ted Koehler
I Can't Face the Music, with lyrics by Ted Koehler
"Out in the Cold Again"
"The Man from the South"
"What Goes Up Must Come Down"

This was brought to mind when I read an ad that said “you need to protect yourself from work from home scams by following these simple steps.” If you were to ask my wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, she would tell you there is no danger that I would ever be taken in by a scam that included the word “work.” Don’t Worry ‘Bout Me.
4. Stop whining. Everyone knows that women earn less than men. But tall men on the average earn more than short men and you don’t see many articles about that in your newspaper. It is probably your understanding that taller men are able to earn more money than their shorter counterparts simply because taller people are perceived to be more intelligent and powerful. Years ago a handsome executive came to a picnic at my house and just by looking at him I would have voted to send him to Congress in a heartbeat. I later had dealings with him and discovered that he was a first class very rich dubber with the temperament of a spoiled 6 year old. You’ve probably met or even been married to others like him who can go a long way on their looks and the money they married --- until they speak. Tall people have always been chosen as leaders. If you were to climb out of a boat at Lindisfarne with a sword in your hand, it would give you a warm, comfortable feeling to have Andre The Giant leading your pack. Everyone also knows that pretty people make more money in the workplace than average looking people. Unfortunately, workers who are not at all attractive, earn even less. Ugly men are affected more than ugly women. We read that average looking women make only five percent less but men who are uglier than average tend to make nine percent less. The last time I applied for a job they asked me what I would pay them.
5. I had to laugh at this email that said, “Take care of your pet’s bad breath” because I know a little bit about pets with bad breath. I once had a pet pig that had very bad breath, but do you know, just about the time that pig reached 250 pounds we were starting to get some good cold snaps in November and within a week that bad breath went away.
6. Someone just sent me a note on assisted suicide. It was strange that they should mention it because I just sat down at my computer to write about active euthanasia. As far as I know it is a legal procedure in every state and here's the way it works in the United States: A 90-year-old guy has stomach cancer and doesn't want to linger and suffer and lay around in bed for 5 months. He can either go to a progressive country where doctors will evaluate his physical and mental condition and then respect his wishes and put him to sleep, or --- in America --- he can go outside, crawl up a ladder, fall off and break a hip. When he arrives at the hospital the doctor says, "If we put you to sleep so we can patch your hip, you're so old there's a good chance you won't wake up." The old guy smiles, shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I guess that's a chance I'm going to have to take."
7. Here’s another letter from a friend who mentioned that you don’t see many graveyards in Florida. He wonders if the dearly departed are just left at the tide line for nature to take its course. He says at least the Vikings provided their deceased with an old boat and some kindling. Just try to imagine the permitting process that would be required to burn a Viking at sea today. There would be the usual state and municipal burial permits, federal and state licenses for the transportation of human remains, fire permits, proof of insurance, the submission of environmental impact studies to various municipal, state, and federal agencies, and then there's the boat itself, with the myriad of state and federal licensing requirements and the U.S. Coast Guard safety regulations that would have to be met prior to any vessel setting sail for Valhalla, or anywhere else for that matter. It's a good thing that Vikings no longer exist as such, because they'd be all over the place, stacked up like cordwood, awaiting permitting approval. I personally expect to be picked up by a cab. Here's a hundred bucks, the little woman will say, "take him as far as that'll get him." Thank you for this letter. I’m humble at humble farmer dot com and I welcome more of the same.
8. There is an organization in Maine called Friends of Maine Mountains who are protesting wind generators on Maine mountains. Some people have suggested that Friends of Maine Mountains is a front organization for land development companies that won’t get as much for their mountain top house lots if there are wind generators on the horizon. They think that wind generators would spoil the view. I don’t know if that is so or not, but I do know that many, many organizations have names that are the exact opposite of what that organization stands for. If some of my Tea Party friends started a club called Friends of Maine Animals, I would have to assume that someone, somewhere in Maine was planning to open a meat market.
9. You recently saw it on the news. A man who worked with a bear was killed by the bear. You will also recall that two years ago a man who lived with wild bears was eaten by bears. Not long after that a man who loved sharks and other dangerous denizens of the deep came to a sudden and much publicized end when one of them turned on him. You and I know that there are wild and uncontrollable creatures on this planet that may be toyed with for a while, but that at any time they are likely to turn on you. And yet, every day you and I hear of yet another friend who plans to get married.
Thank you for considering The humble Farmer.

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SD (Standard Definition) File

File Name of SD Episode: humble 2011 0320.mpg

Total SD Episode Video Runtime (hh:mm:ss): 00:55:56

File Size of SD Episode Video: 2,660,610,052 Bytes

Resolution of SD Episode Video: 720x480

Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Sunday, March 27, 2011 - 06:56

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