Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2010 1219.mpg

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Episode Description:

Well received by the intelligentsia in Northern New England, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show The humble Farmer has produced every week since April 6, 1978 for radio and now on television.

Music by: Ukulele Ike, Clark Terry, Ruby Braff, Django Reinhardt, McKinney’s Cotton Pickers, and Erroll Garner

This show contains a half hour of The humble Farmer being instructed how to make his first loaf of bread.

The show is tightly scripted. Here's the humorous commentary for The humble Farmer show for the week of December 19, 2010
1. My friend David says that an unidentified American private collector paid $2.2 million for George Armstrong Custer’s last flag. David said there was no word on whether or not the flag came with its stand.
2. We’ve been hearing a lot of talk about illegal immigrants lately. From what I have read, when my people came to North America 390 or so years ago they were probably considered illegal immigrants. In any case, some of the folks who were already here weren't too happy with the way they trounced in, all uninvited, and set up shop. You might compare illegal immigration to cutting in front of another car in a line of traffic: you can't really feel comfortable with your new place in line until you've gone along for two or three miles and a few people have cut in front of you.
3. Thomas Jefferson is probably the most quoted American of all time. We are told that he was a prodigious letter writer who might have had to mortgage Monticello were he blessed with the postage rates we enjoy today. But were you to crunch the numbers you will see that Jefferson only averaged around one letter a day for 50 years. This came to mind a few minutes ago when a friend emailed me a Jefferson quote that was intended to justify a political stance embraced by fascists. I couldn’t help but think how interesting it is that Jefferson’s letters can be quoted to support the opinions of not only fascists but socialists and every imaginable shade and color of political persuasion in between. But --- after only a few seconds of reflection --- I realized that you could say the same thing about the Bible --- or most any number of venerated books and documents. While Googling to refresh my mind about President Jefferson’s politics, I read that God said sex is only to be enjoyed within the context of a marriage between a man and a woman. There is no doubt that the man who penned the Declaration of Independence was an inordinately moral man who firmly subscribed to this, which should eliminate the need for any further discussion on that particular topic right there. Should you want to follow up on this on your own, the Positive Atheism website has a page of Jefferson’s quotes. If you like to make your own Easter, Christmas or birthday cards, you are certain to find on there a suitable sentiment for most any occasion.
4. I got an email yesterday morning that said, “10 rules for staying positive.” Have you ever thought about this before? It would be easy to come up with 10 rules for staying positive without buying the book or tapes or whatever they were selling. Probably number one on the list would be to avoid our media. Never watch TV, listen to the radio, read an email or a newspaper. It’s taken me a long time to come to this conclusion, but I finally figured out why some people move into caves on the top of mountains, sit in the doorway, and say OM.
5. The email that came yesterday said that for $15 I could adopt a wolf but I’m going to pass on it. For an extra $30 I can buy a day-old calf. I wouldn’t worry if the grandchildren were to pet it --- unless you can come up with some good old story about children being chased through the forest by a pack of salivating calves. After three years I could eat my calf. And there is always the danger that a lot of people would come out of the woodwork and insist I run for President if they heard I’d shot and eaten my wolf.
6. My great grandfather, who was 8 years old in 1826, would not understand many of the things done in this country today. Were he to read about the 20 million illegal immigrants in America he’d quickly point out that many of the astute businessmen who eagerly hire them would really much rather have slaves. In 1826 John James Audubon was drawing pictures of birds. Today the word Audubon brings to mind an environmental organization dedicated to conservation and when we look at the pretty birds in Audubon’s pictures it’s nice to think that they sat quietly on a bush while he sketched them. But this is what we read in Audubon’s journal for 1826 as he traveled abroad to find a publisher for his book. “I have been much interested in the Dusky Petrel; the mate killed four at one shot.” “After my drawing finished I caught four Dolphins. How much I have gazed on these beautiful creatures.” “Two more noddys were shot by our mate this day.” “I tasted some, and found it to resemble the flesh of the Porpoise.” If you don’t think that times have changed, the next time you are eating with friends, look up from your chicken and say, “My, it tastes like porpoise.”
7. When I pick up the phone and an unfamiliar voice on the phone says “How are you today?” my answer is, “Very suspicious of strangers who call to inquire about my health.”
8. Here’s something a retired Bowdoin professor sent me four years ago. Even if I told you about it then, it warrants repeating. He says, “You mentioned seeing Dave Brubeck in the late fifties playing colleges. About that time I was still in high school and bought a record of Mort Sahl (I think it was recorded at the Hungry I in San Francisco). At one point he described being on this “ivy league tour of New England” with Brubeck’s band. It goes something like this: “Now, I don’t want you to think we’re like this, but it had been a long tour and we found ourselves in Portland, Maine, on a Saturday night. We sort of turned up our collars and went up to a cab driver and said, ‘Where’s the action?’ — and he took us to this place where they fish illegally.”

Thank you for considering The humble Farmer.

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SD (Standard Definition) File

File Name of SD Episode: humble 2010 1219.mpg

Total SD Episode Video Runtime (hh:mm:ss): 00:55:56

File Size of SD Episode Video: 2,660,634,628 Bytes

Resolution of SD Episode Video: 720x480

Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Monday, December 20, 2010 - 13:11

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