Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2010 0606.mpg


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Episode Description:

Well received by the intelligentsia in Northern New England and Miami, Florida, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show The humble Farmer has produced every week since April 6, 1978 for radio and now on television.

Music by: Lee Morse, Clark Terry, Oscar Peterson, John Thyhsen, Django Reinhardt, and Scott Hamilton.

The show is tightly scripted. This show includes two stories before a live audience and a spoof on the Antique Road Show. Here's some of the humorous commentary for The humble Farmer show for the week of June 6, 2010
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1. While looking up something else I read that the Olympic, which was the sister ship to the Titanic, ran into the Nantucket lightship and cut it in two. The Olympic and the Titanic. If nothing else, you’d have to credit the crews of those two ships with being consistent.
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2. You take it for granted that your health insurance and your home insurance and your car insurance creep up by 10 percent or so every year. You don’t think anything about it because you know it is going to happen. If your town was foolish enough to get into a school district 50 or so years ago, you know that your property taxes also go up more than they should every year. If you are old enough to get a social security check you know that the amount you get also changes by five or so percent every year. You are told that this 5 percent change is to accommodate the cost of living. I’ve never asked any other old people if they like this cost of living change but I personally don’t see any need of it. Here’s how it works. Because of the cost of living, my social security, which paid me $497 a month last year --- pays me $473 a month this year.
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4. One of the great things about my new hearing aids is being able to hear what people are talking about on the other side of the room. I recently heard a very ancient woman, who had been married to a lawyer, being complimented on her husband. He must have been one great guy because everyone had something good to say about him. She agreed. She said that one night she was roused out at 2 A. M. by the bedside phone. A woman wanted to talk with her husband. He took the phone and listened a long time --- said nothing but, “Yes, yes, I understand. No, it’s ok, you can call me anytime.”
She said, “I usually didn’t ask him about his business, but this time I looked at him, and he said, ‘She wants a divorce.’
“We no sooner got back to sleep when the phone rang again. Same woman. He took the phone and said, ‘Yes, yes, I understand. No, it’s ok. You can call me anytime.’
“I looked at him and said, ‘I’ve got to know.’
“He said, ‘She changed her mind.’”
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5. Please listen closely because I’m about to say something that might make your life easier. You know that I could never afford to have children. But when I married the widow Marsha VanZandbergen she had two daughters. And now my wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, has three grandchildren. The oldest one was six this week, and although they live in Fort Kent way up by the Canadian border, they drove five hours to get here because the child wanted to celebrate her birthday here with us. I was out in the barn working on my hot water solar collectors during the party, but looked up often enough to notice that the dooryard was full of cars. You know how gobs of cake and partially masticated cookies get ground into the floor at these things, so you can believe that I rushed right in to vacuum up the mess as soon as they were gone. And here is the tip that could save you a lot of bother: At this party --- not one crumb on the floor. Someone had brought a dog.
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6. You might have heard it on the news: Snake oil is alive and well. When I was a kid one of the stock characters in western movies was the snake oil peddler. As you know, snake oil was a generic term for a bottle of alcoholic goo that promised relief for any problem. And when the peddler would stand on the back of his wagon, hold up the snake oil and rattle off all the diseases that it would cure, it was such an obvious nest of lies --- the claims were so silly, that even little boys in the movie theater laughed. This was good, because the snake oil scene was put in the movie to make little boys laugh. But now snake oil is euphemistically called herbal supplements and many grown people are listening to the sales pitch without laughing. This morning we learned that the purveyors of many herbal supplements often break the law when making false claims about their products. Are you surprised? We are told that there are pills that will cure heart disease, diabetes and cancer. Yes. There is no question but what some roots and herbs are good for you, but isn’t that what we call food? Why would anyone want to be ripped off by buying food that has been ground up and pressed into an expensive pill? If something does ail you, wouldn’t losing weight or walking a mile or eating an apple or drinking two quarts of water every day take care of most of your problems? One would think so, but many millions of people have bought the snake oil pitch and are now eating placebos by the jar.
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7. Besides making this radio program just for you, I also make another version for television. The music is the same, but I cut out the commentary and do the same commentary over in front of a camera and paste that in. I tell people that it is a radio program that comes out of a television set and encourage them to wrap a blanket around the screen for the entire duration of the show. But many people still feel they have to watch it, just because it is television. The show is distributed by PegMedia in Rockport, Maine and I send the show to them by email. This is called uploading. It takes 5 or so hours to upload it through Comcast in Florida and last year it took 5 or so hours to upload it through Time Warner here in St. George, Maine. But --- this year it takes around 30 hours to upload it. I’ve done all the speed tests and they tell me that I should be able to upload the program at .23 mega bytes per second. But in actuality I am uploading at 30 kilobytes per second --- which I don’t think is as much. I still don’t understand the science and the math of this although I have talked with two of the most knowledgeable gurus on the coast of Maine plus the Time Warner guru, who says the problem is with me or PegMedia. But --- my computer guru sent me an article which says that The Federal Communications Commission wants to find out whether broadband providers are delivering Internet connections that are as fast as advertised. There are those who suspect that they are not. The FCC is looking for 10,000 volunteers to participate in this study. Because it takes me 6 times longer to send a television program this year than it did last year, I have questions so I volunteered to help out with the study. What do you think? If you ever send large files to others, which you know is called uploading, has your system slowed down over the past few months?
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8. Here’s the second email notice that came in one day to tell me about an alumni meeting. It says, “It has been brought to our attention that the date of the reunion was excluded from the invitation text, and only appeared on the enclosed response card.” It continues, “In the event that you did not see the date on the response card, the reunion will be held on Friday, June 25th.” And then it says, “Please do not hesitate to respond to this e-mail with any questions you may have.” Well, if you were planning to attend the reunion on Friday, wouldn’t you like to know if you should arrive at 9 o’clock or 10 o’clock or quarter to three? How much you want to bet that tomorrow I’ll get another email that says, “It has been brought to our attention that the time of the reunion was excluded from yesterday’s email. It will start at noon.” I don’t know about you, but I am glad every time I realize that someone like this is in charge of mailing out notices. When they bother me is when they have a job that enables them to foul up my utilities
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9. If you have never heard of Patrick Stewart, join the club. One morning Patrick Stewart was being knighted by Queen Elizabeth on TV. Like most everybody in America, I’d seen Patrick Stewart on Star Trek --- not one of my favorite shows but running nose and nose with evangelist preachers begging for money and a full length ahead of ads for exercise machines. Wikipedia is my tool of choice when it comes to finding out about people and on the English version of Wikipedia I read that the 70-year-old Patrick Stewart has been married twice but now dates women 40 years his junior. He is quoted as saying, "I just don't meet women of my age.” Patrick Stewart is obviously not living in a retirement community in Florida.

Episode Short Description: N/A

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[SD File Downloads]: 16

[HD File Downloads]: 0

[Total File Downloads]: 16

 


SD (Standard Definition) File

File Name of SD Episode: humble 2010 0606.mpg

Total SD Episode Video Runtime (hh:mm:ss): 00:55:56

File Size of SD Episode Video: 2,660,610,052 Bytes

Resolution of SD Episode Video: 720x480

Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Tuesday, June 8, 2010 - 16:05


HD (High Definition) File


This episode has not been uploaded by the producer in HD format and is not available for download.

If you wish to have HD format, you can private message a request to the show's producer at The humble Farmer.