Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2015 1129

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Episode Description:

Synopsis of The humble Farmer TV show for November 29, 2015

You may be amazed when you read this email from Sherrie Benner in Gorham, Maine dated October 27, 2015: “I was watching channel 2 for my public service ad for my running for Gorham Town Council. I came across your show and I was mesmerized. You have a new fan. Loved the music and the personality. Sherrie Benner”

Thank you for looking at a program called “Putting up a rack for more solar collectors, a Maine Reality Show.”

56 minutes. This show includes 5.43 minutes of guitar virtuoso Denny Breau and Mark “Guitar” Miller at a show in Lewiston, Maine.

Although The humble Farmer is just as contrived as any reality show, here you will see no overweight people with tattoos pretending to repossess automobiles or emaciated wealthy models getting a massage. But don’t give up. In this show you will see Maine lobsterman Virge Morse, who is, of course, a distant cousin to humble, taking lobsters out of a lobster car and putting them in a bag for humble to take home and eat. You will see humble fumbling around as he works on a rack that will hold 8 more PV panels and give the humble home 2040 more watts of power. This extra power will enable Marsha and humble to use electric heat in the fall and spring and save them several hundred dollars every year on their heating oil bill.

Well received in Northern New England as a radio show for 37 years, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show that has delighted young and old alike every week since April 6, 1978 for radio --- and now for television.

Most of the video over the music is of humble building his new solar rack addition. Of course there are a few surprises along the way. Look for Rick Blood’s book of photographs. Rick works at the Keene, NH, station where The humble Farmer has been well received for over a year now. As you know by now, this is not a show to be watched but to be listened to. It is, and always has been, a radio show adapted for television.

Music is by: Clark Terry, Joe Venuti, Fatha Hines, Muggsy Spanier, Ted Weems, McKenzie & Condon, Bix, Ben Pollack, Garner, Louis Armstrong, Mark “Guitar” Miller and Denny Breau.

Tame fare, you say, for viewers expecting someone to be shot, arrested, blown up or sink while paddling inside a 1,000 pound pumpkin.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out on a dock in Maine where Virge opens a lobster car. The show ends, as usual, with the Keystone Cops driving a car off the end of a dock.
The humorous and/or informative commentary that humble delivers between the songs is approximated below.

Rants November 29, 2015
1. One of the most memorable lines in 200 years of Maine literature is a quote from the old bachelor lobster catcher Perse Seine, who was once asked why he was building a skiff in his kitchen. You will remember that in true Maine fashion, he answered the question with a question and said, “Well, what’s a kitchen for?” This came to mind when my wife dragged home a small table that someone gave her. Within a day the table was covered with clutter and looked like every other square inch of flat surface in the house. When I asked her about it, she said, “Well, what’s a table for?”
2. There were 21 turkeys on my back lawn one morning. I suspect that it was two flocks together. At least it was two mothers and their 19 grown children. I think. Would you dare say that there were two flocks of turkeys on your back lawn? Someone is sure to say that turkeys come in rafters instead of flocks. And then someone else would say that they are only called a rafter of turkeys if they are domesticated turkeys. A group of wild turkeys are called a flock. And now a question for you. When I mentioned turkeys on my back lawn running wild, eating bugs and whatever else it is that turkeys eat, what was your first impression? Did you think how nice it would be to have one of those turkeys roasting in your oven? Or did you just give thanks that you don’t live in a zoo.
3. Here’s a silly story that came by email. In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed on Sunday morning at about 11:00 am, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors. Some members of the clergy even thought it had something to do with the supernatural, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate. The next Sunday morning, just before 11:00, they stood outside the ward to witness this terrible thing for themselves. Several clutched small wooden crosses, prayer books, or a rabbit’s foot to ward off evil. Just when the clock struck 11:00 the janitor walked in and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.
4. Does one know when one is getting senile? Do you think that a change in long-established habits indicates that one could be losing the ability to think rationally? If this is true, your friend humble might have slipped over the edge between one and four the other morning. I was unable to sleep so I strapped my little light to my forehead that enables me to see to read in bed at night and picked up a book that I had never read before. And for the first time that I can remember, I read the first two chapters in a detective novel (about De Cock, met CeeOoCeeKaa) without first reading the last chapter in the book to find out who done it.
5. Have you ever made a study of the silly names of country and western songs? How Can I Forget You When You won’t Go Away? I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You. You’ve heard all of them, but here’s a new one I heard an 80-year-old man singing to his new 65-year-old bride: You Broke Me Down When I Broke You In.
6. You’ve heard of a lot of different kinds of envy. This kind of envy. That kind of envy. But have you ever heard of systems envy? My electrician friend Mike says that systems envy is what you get when your next door neighbor puts up more solar panels in his yard than you have in your yard. You’re in for a lot of ragging when your wife comes in and says that the next door neighbors have so many solar panels in their yard that they can now use electric heat. “I don’t see why we can’t have just 8 more panels, dear. They’d pay for themselves in only 5 years and then we could run that electric heater in the cellar.”
7. Why is it that it is not until there is two feet of snow on the ground in December, that you look in your little notebook of things to do and discover that you are supposed to burn your blueberry field after the first frost in October?
8. Is it your understanding that before you buy a used car, you can examine information that tells you about the idiosyncrasies of that particular vehicle? How far has it gone? How many times has it been submerged in a canal? How much bondo is in the rear fenders? Some people know all there is to know about buying a used car because they might trade every three to five years, and there is no way they would ever get conned into buying a used car without having it examined by reading all the documents and then even having it given a test drive by a mechanic that they know and trust. And yet an incredible number of people get themselves entangled in a marriage that might last less time than it takes to put 25,000 miles on a car. Why do people enter into a marriage that any of their friends can plainly see is going to crash? They wouldn’t buy a car with short circuits behind the dashboard, no matter how shiny the exterior finish. There are some things I do not understand and this is one of them. Can you explain it to me?
9. City people don’t think like we do out here on the farm. I just heard an excellent radio piece on urban agriculture the Catalina Island Conservancy produced for city people. It tells how to compost doggie do. The title to the doggie do piece reminds me of a bit of wisdom Zach says he heard me pass along on my radio program many years ago. --- What’s the shortest sentence in the English language? “I am.” What’s the longest sentence in the English language? “I do.” If saying do once gets you into trouble, can it also suggest what you might be stepping in if you get married twice? Anyway, here on the coast of Maine, where we enjoy rural agriculture, any organic rhubarb farmer knows that when it comes to enriching the soil even the most robust Saint Bernard would be no replacement for his young Angus bull. And after three years of faithful service, you wouldn't want to eat your dog.

These TV shows are now being posted on YouTube under Robert Karl Skoglund.

The radio version of this show now covers metropolitan New York City on WFDU.

Your viewers and I thank you for considering The humble Farmer. Have fun.

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Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Thursday, December 3, 2015 - 07:16

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