Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2014 0216


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Episode Description:

Synopsis of The humble Farmer TV show for February 16, 2014

Thank you for looking at: “Collecting Nutrients.”

56 minutes. This show includes a 2.05 minute clip of Denny Breau playing guitar and singing.

Although The humble Farmer is just as contrived as any reality show, here you will see no overweight people with tattoos pretending to repossess automobiles or emaciated wealthy models getting a massage.

Well received in Northern New England as a radio show for 35 years, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show that has delighted young and old alike every week since April 6, 1978 for radio --- and now for television.

Some of the video over the music is of humble collecting seaweed for his garden from his friend’s front lawn here on the Coast of Maine. He then collects cow nutrients from his north pasture and ends the show by planting his squash in the rich soil.

Music is by: Clark Terry, Sonny Stitt, Spike Jones, Roger Kellaway, Gerry Mulligan, Paul Desmond, Lenny Breau, Django Reinhardt and Denny Breau.

Tame fare, you say, for viewers expecting someone to be shot, arrested or blown up.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out with humble circumventing the Keep Out sign on his friend’s lawn. Background music is by Spike Jones. The show ends, as usual, with the Keystone Cops driving a car off the end of a dock.
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The humorous and/or informative commentary that humble delivers between the songs is approximated below:
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February 16, 2014
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1. I just realized that this is not next week.
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2. Do you get more worked up over little insignificant things than you used to? I seem to. A while back I went to the store to buy some CD envelopes. They were $9.99 per box and I took two. When I got home I noticed that I’d been charged $10.99 for each one. I have the feeling that I was overcharged $2. Even more recently I went to the store to buy a gallon of milk and a $2.29 pink bottle of Pepto-Bismol. At the register I was charged $4 plus for the Pepto-Bismol. I said, “I looked at the price tag on the shelf long and hard before I picked up this bottle, because your pricing was very confusing and hard to read, but I think it was $2.29.” So four people behind me in the less than 10 items lane had to wait while the very nice check out woman went up to see for herself. I said to the people who were waiting behind me in the line, “We’ll see what comes of this.” The check out woman came back and said, “You were right. Because we made a mistake, we’re going to give it to you free.” I said, “Ma dam, if it weren’t for this kind of thing happening to me, I wouldn’t NEED Pepto-Bismol.”
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3. It is not very often that a political commentator says something that makes both democrats and republicans stand on their chairs and cheer. But I just heard some political commentator say that the governor of New Jersey plans to run on his record.
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4. The advertising community has been cheating American business out of billions of dollars annually. For the past 20 or 30 years, the smiling people who appear in ads have been beanpole thin. All this will change this fall when glamorous models who weigh 350 pounds will appear in ads. They will be surrounded by 350 pound men who are witty, wealthy and wise. In the background you will see yachts, fancy cars, mansions and a promise of romantic adventure --- if she buys what the ad is selling. Of course most people will never be able to weigh 350 pounds no matter what they eat and drink. But many will be willing to destroy their health trying to look like this new smart set. This has been proven today by the countless women who are starving themselves in hopes of getting down to the anemic 95 pound models shown in ads now. It has been estimated by the advertising community that if each woman in America gained only 20 pounds, they could sell an extra two billion dollars worth of cloth each year. Profits are expected to double in beer and spaghetti. Dry skin, which was invented by Al Peel in the 1950s, will still be promoted, however. Thanks to Al, women all over the country have discovered their dry skin. They now spend billions on creams, salves and lotions to keep their skin moist. Maine men don’t want their wives to have moist skin. Up here we call it sweat.
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5. Do you have friends who are always boasting? I’ve done this --- I’ve done that. I can do this. I can do that. Do you get any satisfaction out of discovering that there are countless other people who have done and can do the same thing – and maybe even do it better? I’m asking you right now for your help. So send me a note at the humble farmer at gmail dot com if you’ve got a story that will put your average boaster in his place. The most interesting reply I've had to date comes from radio friend Dave who claims to be the only man in Aroostook county to get his head caught in a hydraulic potato barrel hoist
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6. Do you keep a notebook? You’ve probably seen the little notebook I carry on my right pant leg. I write down interesting things I hear or see that I want to tell you about. Of course taking notes is simply taking notes. When you take notes you don’t want to miss a scrap of the scintillating conversation so you quickly scratch down just enough to jog your memory later. So sometimes you find notes in your notebook that make no sense whatsoever. What a great loss we all experience when I can’t enrich you with some salient comment or observation, just because I can’t remember the point of what I wrote in my notebook. Here’s an example. If it makes any sense to you, I’m humblefarmer@midcoast.com We’d love to hear your explanation. All it says is, “Their name was spelled out with toilet plunger heads on the border of Aroostook and Washington County.
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7. Some friends invited me to attend their party at the Alumni House at the University of Maine. It was a great party, and you can see pictures of it on my web page. Although I don’t know the politically correct name for one of the games we played, all it amounted to was getting 150 people to work together on a project. The people at each table were asked to glue together and decorate a gingerbread house --- a challenge indeed for Maine men who find themselves without duct tape or WD 40. Of course when 6 people work together at one table on a project there is usually at least one who is content to sit back and watch and at least one who has to manage the operation. That’s just the way things are. At one table I saw a strong argument for those of you who believe that environment shapes behavior. The house built by the Washington County crowd had a chainfall hanging from a tripod out front, a yellow police “do not cross” tape, 2 dogs chained to an outhouse and a Bait For Sale sign on the front door.
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8. My wife, Marsha, is the Almost Perfect Woman. When you’re been single for 51 of your 78 years, you know how scary some women can be, because you’ve had the opportunity to read the service manuals on several different models. For some reason that I’ve never understood, some women can’t just say what they have to say. They look at you and say, “We’ve got to have a talk.” So one day I thanked Marsha because she had never said to me, “Robert --- we’ve got to have a talk.” And she said, “Talk. What good would it do to have a talk with you? You don’t hear half of what I say --- and I can’t tell what you do hear because you don’t say anything. You always say that nothing is worth discussing unless it’s a life or death situation or if somebody is going to lose a limb. You’re just like my father.” That can happen when you marry a younger woman --- her father usually is just about your age.
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9. Have you heard the ad about the vitamins that stick? I heard it. And I wondered about it. This company claims that ordinary everyday vitamins get flushed out of your body without doing you any good. But --- you want to buy their special vitamins because they stick. I’m like you. I thought it was funny, too, when I first heard it. An organic vitamin is the same as a vitamin that’s spent the winter in a chair inside a nuclear power plant.. But then I thought about it. And if you compare these stickable vitamins with some of those donuts you used to get when you were in the service, it does make sense. When I was stationed on the Cutter Laurel in Rockland in 1955, the cook made donuts that would hang around in your stomach for four or five days.
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Thank you for considering The humble Farmer. Have fun.

Episode Short Description: N/A

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SD (Standard Definition) File

File Name of SD Episode: humble 2014 0216.mpg

Total SD Episode Video Runtime (hh:mm:ss): 00:55:56

File Size of SD Episode Video: 2,660,669,444 Bytes

Resolution of SD Episode Video: 720x480

Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Wednesday, February 19, 2014 - 07:00


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