Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2014 0112

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Episode Description:

The humble Farmer TV show for January 12, 2014

Thank you for looking at: “An Introduction To Maine Culture.”

56 minutes. This show includes a 3.45 minute clip of Denny Breau playing his guitar and singing in the Monhegan schoolhouse. humble makes a rare appearance singing a cappella several verses of The Deep Monhegan Blues.

Well received in Northern New England for 35 years, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show that has delighted young and old alike every week since April 6, 1978 for radio --- and now for television.

Most of the video over the music is of downtown Monhegan and Jim Barstow’s boat that runs between Monhegan and Port Clyde, Maine.

Music is by: Clark Terry, Bud Powell, Paul Desmond, Chet Baker, Art Pepper, Nat King Cole, The humble Farmer and Denny Breau.

All of this is tame fare, indeed, for viewers expecting someone to be shot, arrested or blown up.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out with humble singing The Deep Monhegan Blues as a boat leaves Port Clyde and finally ends up at the island. The show ends, as usual, with the Keystone Cops driving a car off the end of a dock.
The humorous and/or informative commentary that humble delivers between the songs is approximated below:
1. I really didn’t feel like I was wasting any time when I went to town for my annual checkup because it was a typical, cold, raw, wet day the coast of Maine and I couldn’t work outside. But the first thing the doctor did when he came in the room and saw me waiting in the chair was open the window wide. The wind and the cold rain blew into the room, but the doctor smiled and looked refreshed and relieved. And it wasn’t until then that I realized I was wearing the same shoes that I wear when I go out to check on the cows.
2. We read in the paper that Florida Congressman Trey Radel resigned less than a month after he returned to Capitol Hill from a stay in rehab that followed his arrest for cocaine possession. He was caught in a sting by an undercover agent. In a resignation letter addressed to the House Speaker, the freshman Republican said he could no longer "fully and effectively serve" as a member of Congress in light of his "personal struggles." But I’d like you to give this some very careful thought. Please remember that at home in Florida it is probably easier to continue to buy drugs without discovering that one of them is just another undercover agent.
3. You might have had old retired people tell you that they would never spend a winter in Florida. If you ask them why, you will discover that they have never spent a winter in Florida because they will tell you that they can’t stand the heat, the snakes the bugs and the alligators. Anyone who has spent a January in southern Florida knows that they wear their long underwear and a heavy jacket and perhaps even mittens on many days. The only problem with heat is getting enough of it. No, the real problem with southern Florida is the smoke. You don’t hear any talk about Florida air quality on the news because it would hurt the tourism business. And perhaps the air is no different from that in Ohio. So when someone tells you that they would never spend a winter in Florida because of the heat and bugs you know they’ve never been there. But if they say that they can’t stand Florida because of the smoke, you know they are speaking from experience. Gramp Wiley spent one winter in Florida, but he didn’t like it. Gramp said, “It’s not the heat but the humility.”
4. It is unfortunate that no young people listen to this program because I’m about to impart a significant bit of wisdom that they would ignore even if they were listening. My topic is: the danger of mating with an incompatible person. The divorce rate is high and although the reason for divorce is simple, it is difficult to explain. To begin with, there is a human race only because our bodies develop from the bottom up which means that the last organ to become functional is the one between our ears. You’ve heard me say it often: “I got married at the age of 54 and when you get married at 54 it is your BRAIN that makes the decision.” Tens of thousands of years ago it was all right if people 12 or 14 years old started families, because before they were 20 one of them had either been stepped on by a wooly mammoth or been eaten by a saber tooth tiger. So long before man and wife had time to discover they were incompatible, Mother Nature had already eliminated the need for endless unpleasant discussions that lead to divorce. Could we cut down on the divorce rate if we were to live together for two or three years before getting married? I used to think we might, but there is new evidence indicating that even 16 years of living together might not be long enough. One morning my wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, said, “You are using my toothbrush.” I said, “Ever since time began I have used a red toothbrush.” I am glad that we are not planning to have children, because she said, “So have I.”
5. Think about what kind of community you'd like to live in if you were unemployed and looking for a job. Or think about what kind of community you'd like to live in if you sold cars or insurance or ice cream or anything else. Would you be better off economically in a community where everyone earned around $100,000 a year, or in a community where two people who each earned $5,000,000 a year were providing employment for all of the people in that community who were happy to have jobs that each paid $20,000 a year? In which community do you think there would be more money spent in restaurants, car dealerships, hardware stores and every other business? In which community do you think there would be less crime? In which community do you think more young people would go away to any kind of college? In which community would people have more of their original teeth? I'm just asking. What do you think? I’m the humble farmer at g mail dot com.
6. You might have read that a team of scientists has developed candy that has no sugar or fat but looks and tastes like candy. They are now working on chicken, potatoes, and gravy that contain absolutely no nutrition. Critics of the nutrition less food program are alarmed, claiming that entire well-fed populations could actually be in the process of being starved to death by their enemies.
7. Radio friend David in Washington, Maine sends me this apocryphal tale about my friend Winky who was standing in line at his bank when a masked robber came in, told everyone to lie face down on the floor, and then filled a bag with money. As the robber turned to leave, his mask fell from his face and the teller saw him. So the robber shot the teller. Then the robber said, “Did anyone else see my face?” Without opening his eyes or moving Winky said, “I think my wife got a good look at you.”
8. A radio friend in Palmyra says: "Every summer I grow 50 organic free-range broilers and three organic pastured pigs. I have no problem selling these rather spendy meats to people who do not want the contaminated commercial products. I try to keep the price as low as possible but organic grains are not cheap!" This is exciting. I'd like to have at least one pig and enough chickens to give us all the eggs we need. The last time I raised a pig, which was 35 years ago, I sold it at an auction I held on my front lawn. George the Barber bought it for around $100. Marsha and I could eat up the chickens in the fall or put some in the freezer. Is that the way to do it? I'm presently planning a visit to this nucleus of nirvana in May so I can see the operation for myself. I've been wanting a pig and chickens for years, but on the coast of Maine, summer is always over before it really starts. Do you raise a pig or chickens? How do you do it? I’m the humble farmer at g mail dot com.
9. Would you feel good if you had produced two 56-minute television programs in two days and had a good start on the third? I do. I like making television programs. I think my television programs are funny. But one morning as I sat at my computer in my jammies working on my TV program, clothes piled nearby, my wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman stopped by. And her hand shot out and she seized my shirt that was on the pile, and said, "You can't wear that shirt two days. You're going to smell like an old man." I knew better than to say anything, but I ask you, what's the sense of being an old man if you cannot go out on the town with food on your tie and a shirt that smells like an old Maine man? Shouldn’t everyone who comes near know that you are an old Maine man who has paid his dues?
Thank you for considering The humble Farmer.

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Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Monday, February 10, 2014 - 07:36

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