Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2013 1006


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Episode Description:

The humble Farmer TV show for October 6, 2013

Thank you for looking at: “The Common Ground Fair”

56 minutes. This show includes a clip of Denny Breau playing a song at the Monhegan schoolhouse. And 2.44 minutes of Dr. Dick and his dancing puppets.

The commentary was filmed in humble’s solar radiant heated cellar/office in St. George, Maine.

Well received in Northern New England for 35 years, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show that has delighted young and old alike every week since April 6, 1978 for radio --- and now for television.

Most of the video over the music is of the common ground fair and humble picking up apples for the cows.

Music by: Clark Terry, Django Reinhardt, Jack Teagarden, Stan Getz, Artie Shaw, Bix Beiderbecke and Denny Breau.

humble is joined again on camera by his smiling young friend, Sylvia.

All of this is tame fare, indeed, for viewers expecting someone to be shot, arrested or blown up.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out with humble feeding some chickens at his neighbor’s farm The show ends, as usual, with the Keystone Cops driving a car off the end of a dock.
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The humorous and/or informative commentary that humble delivers between the songs is approximated below:

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1. When I was a kid I noticed that old men talked to themselves. Lou Robinson would talk to his cow. Forrest Wall would sing. As a kid, I thought this strange. Now that I am closer to 80 than I am to 70 and hear myself talking out in the barn, I realize that what children hear is the very necessary articulated cogitation that keeps an old man from forgetting what he is doing.
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2. The email I got said, “Defy your age. Miracle Anti-Aging Cures Now Available.” To begin with, the word cure obviously implies that aging is a disease. And if aging is a disease, babies are born sick. These ads to sell pills to cure aging are written by young people who don’t realize that most of us who are old don’t mind being old. Got that, kids? We don’t mind being old. We don’t mind looking old. The only thing that annoys us is feeling old.
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3. You might have read that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally. They say it is because she smells like a new truck.
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4. Back in the good old days privilege was inherited. The lord of the manor passed on the estate to his eldest son. Which is why so many of the oldest sons were killed in hunting accidents. But since the French Revolution the rich have had to buy privilege. One of my rich friends says it's annoying to have to stop at a 4 way intersection, and thinks it would be nice to be able to buy the right of way. Why, he asks, should a guy in a three piece suit in a BMW have to stop and wait for a rusted out hulk with the bumper dragging on the ground to get across the intersection? Back in the 17th century, you would have simply run right over them with your gilded carriage.
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5. One of my neighbors came up to me at the annual Blueberry Cove lobster feast fundraiser and told me how good I looked. Do you like to have people tell you how good you look? Is this not another way of saying that you don’t look any worse than you did the last time they saw you? Are they not implying that they are amazed? “Hi Robert. My, but you look good.” Is there any reason I should not look good? You probably know that I am probably in a remarkable state of preservation for a man pushing 80. I have always had the posture of a cave dweller and even 50 years ago had you dressed me in a wooly mammoth skin, and photographed me slouching along with a club over my shoulder --- you know, and dragging a woman by the hair, you could have sold pictures of the tableau to a museum for display purposes. I am genetically predisposed to slouch. So even when I was 20 I had the posture of a very old man, and I haven’t changed. And when you are not an attractive man when you are 20, you couldn’t get any worse by the time you’re 70, so relatively speaking, your friends probably think you look good. If you are ready to take notes, I will pass along to you the secret for not looking any worse at 70 than you did at 20. #1. I did not smoke, which, as every woman knows, causes wrinkles. #2. I avoid the sun and wear a long sleeved shirt and hat and long pants when I’m out in the sun. Every woman knows that sun on the face causes wrinkles. And finally, the most important anti-aging secret of all --- the reason I do not stagger about with a haggard drooping nether lip and eyes that stare vacantly off into space --- I could never afford to have children.
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Comment from Common Ground Fair.
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6. One day I discovered a box on my gmail that I had never seen before. It says "Spam." While trying to delete the spam, I read this item in one of the boxes: "Significant improvement in both length and girth". You can understand that this really grabbed my attention and that I quickly opened it to see what I could learn as some of my rhubarb plants are getting kind of spindly.
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8. From time to time, people get new email addresses and I lose contact with friends. While calling friends to get their new email addresses, I found this June 4, 2004 letter from Mt. Vernon, Maine. “Dear Humble, Would you please send me the particulars about the article in the New England Journal of Medicine about the health benefits of gazing at women’s breasts. My father is a coronary bypass survivor and would enjoy this medicine very much.” Seems as I remember calling this valuable health tip to your attention years ago and, as a public health service, I looked it up and will mention it again. “Ogling over women's breasts is good for a man's health and can add years to his life, medical experts have discovered. According to the New England Journal of Medicine, ‘Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out’ declared gerontologist Dr. Karen Weatherby…There's no question: Gazing at breasts makes men healthier.’ ‘Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years.’ Well. The interesting thing about this health tip is that it is a hoax, so I will not mention it again --- until some staunch elderly men can be found who are willing to advance the cause of good health and sound science by participating in such a study.
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9. A few weeks ago when I sent out my weekly Whine and Snivel email newsletter, a young woman wrote back immediately and asked to be removed from my mailing list. You know, I spent a lot of time getting out that newsletter and it really hurt my feelings to discover that only one person read it.
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Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Thursday, October 24, 2013 - 20:14


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