Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2013 0623

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Episode Description:

The humble Farmer TV show for June 23, 2013

Thank you for looking at: “Fixing The Pump”

56 minutes. This show includes a new 3.16 minute clip of Denny Breau playing a song at Little Bar in Goodland, Florida. And 52 seconds of humble telling the breast stroke story at the Common Ground Fair. There is a two minute introduction by Maine author Kendall Merriam telling about his Lobster Dictionary book.

The commentary was filmed in humble’s solar radiant heated cellar/office in St. George, Maine.

Well received in Northern New England for 35 years, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show that has delighted young and old alike every week since April 6, 1978 for radio --- and now for television.

Most of the video over the music is of humble rapairing his water pump.

Music by: Clark Terry, Scott Hamilton, Woody Herman, Bennie Moten, Ted Weems, Paul Desmond, Dave Frishberg and Denny Breau.

humble is joined again on camera by his young friend, Sylvia, whose smile is now generating much of humble’s fan mail.

All of this is tame fare, indeed, for viewers expecting someone to be shot, arrested or blown up.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out with Kendall Merriam talking about his dictionary of Maine lobstering. The show ends, as usual, with the Keystone Cops driving a car off the end of a dock.
The humorous and/or informative commentary that humble delivers between the songs is approximated below:
June 23, 2013
1. Even old people who still don't know the difference between an ipod and an ipad are aware that it is possible to hide a tracking device in a vehicle so its location can be pinpointed at any time. Which is why we sneer at current crime programs when the heroes are baffled after a crook steals their car or van. When the system was a new feature in some kind of car, a man who was on a ferry half way between Rockland and Vinalhaven thought he would test it out, so he called in and asked them to locate his vehicle. There was a long pause before the techie replied, "It's on a very long bridge in Maine."
2. The way I understand it, the magic box our friend Jo attached to our television set the other day enables us to watch programs for free. I called our cable company and told them to cut off the 21 channel part of our cable television package. Since then they have called us two or three times a day, probably because they want to know why we don’t want to pay $20 a month to watch people sell us jewelry or exercise machines. The magic box shows promise and should pay for itself in a year. The magic box is very much like your solar panels that give you free heat and free electricity. The only element that will gouge us now is the cable that brings the Internet into our homes. --- Without which life in this civilized world is, as everyone knows, impossible. Yes, the magic box is now a way of life in our home and I can’t say I’m comfortable with it yet. When you watch the first of the 32 Columbo programs on the magic box, and you can line them all up and watch them in order, there is no break every five minutes to bring you a message from a pill-pushing sponsor who would either remove or replace stiffness in aged joints. One hour programs only last 42 minutes. No butterflies flutter about on your screen touting the nutrients in a dog food that looks so good the children beg to try it. No more will you have the opportunity to wonder how every insurance company in America can give you a policy that is $700 cheaper than any other insurance company in America. There is something sneaky and un-American about watching commercial-free television. One has the disturbing feeling that one has joined a cult. --- That one is participating in some dirty illicit act that will someday bring a knocking at the door just before dawn. A skeptic might also well ask what you’ll do after you’ve watched all 32 episodes of Columbo and all 132 episodes of Monk at least twice. You are then in no better position than your neighbor who has watched every one of the very bloody NCIS program six times. --- You might have been told that deciding for yourself what you want to watch on commercial free television can be compared to drinking beer or wine: after a year or two you don’t even notice the nasty taste and you wonder why everyone else isn’t doing it.
3. Are you ready for The humble farmer question of the week? Listen closely. A minister who is about to officiate at an outdoor marriage ceremony (which is being held next to a lighthouse) finds that a stiff off shore breeze is blowing his tunic wildly around his head. He solves his problem with 18 or so inches of duct tape. This marriage ceremony took place in A. West Palm Beach, Florida. B. Malibu, California or, C. Port Clyde, Maine.
4. I replied to a female friend’s email with these words. “If you had not jumped to the incorrect conclusions, the world of letters would have been deprived of a nice column which I hope will be printed in the paper tomorrow. So here's one more thing for which I owe you. Now I notice that the meaning in my post was neither cloudy nor capable of misinterpretation. If either A. the man sent the article to me or B. he wrote the article, and his name is not on the article as author, the only logical option is that he must have sent it to me. I am belaboring a point here which I would never do one on one with my wife. It is ok to do this with friends but with your wife it is much more prudent to say nothing because there is nothing to be gained by being right in a discussion with your wife.”
5. One day while on an airplane, much to my surprise my seatmate pulled out a salad. Most anyone would carry aboard some little sweet or goodie to eat instead of a salad. I couldn’t contain my amazement and I complimented her on her healthy choice. Don’t you agree that too many people don’t give a fig about what they eat? And here was a woman who obviously cared about not only how she looked, but about her health in general. As she ate that salad you can imagine how I ranted and raved about how she impressed me and how great if this country would be if more people followed her example. As you can believe, she ate every last green leaf of that salad, and then she washed it down with two little bottles of gin. (060210)
6. Two buzz words you might hear today are quality time. Parents are constantly urged to spend quality time with their children. One of the reasons this is difficult to do is because nobody seems to know what quality time is. The term has even overflowed its original parent childhood banks, and now is even used to express some mysterious relationship between married couples who have no children. A St. George woman, who has a day job that keeps her away all day, seldom sees her 80-year-old husband. She complained that they never seem to share any quality time. The only time she sees him is when they go to bed.
7. Here’s an announcement I heard down at the Portland Jetport. “Someone has left a belt at security. Please come and claim your belt.” Does this concern you? If they’ve already got your belt, can there be any question what they’ll have next?
8. Do you have friends who are always boasting? I’ve done this --- I’ve done that. I can do this. I can do that. Do you get any satisfaction out of discovering that there are countless other people who have done and can do the same thing – and maybe even do it better? I’m asking you right now for your help. So send me a note at the humble farmer at gmail dot com if you’ve got a story for me that will put this boaster in his place. My friend Dave claims to be the only man in Aroostook County to get his head caught in a hydraulic potato barrel hoist.
Thank you for considering The humble Farmer.

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Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Tuesday, July 16, 2013 - 19:18

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