Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2013 0127

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Episode Description:

The humble Farmer show for January 27, 2013

Thank you for giving your viewers something that might be a bit different.

56 minutes. This show includes 3.28 of Denny Breau playing at the Monhegan School and 2 or so minutes of humble entertaining on stage before the Rio Club of America.

Well received in Northern New England for 34 years, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show that has delighted young and old alike every week since April 6, 1978 for radio --- and now for television.

Music by: Clark Terry, Natalie Cole, Scott Hamilton, Erroll Garner, Django Reinhardt, Fletcher Henderson and Denny Breau.

humble is joined again on camera by his young friend, Sylvia, whose smile is now generating much of humble’s fan mail.

The video over the music is of building a tree house, the Owl’s Head Transportation Museum, humble giving a 1926 Model T to Gramp Wiley’s great-grandson and humble constructing his solar hot water heaters.

All of this is tame fare, indeed, for viewers expecting someone to be shot, arrested or blown up.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out with still pictures of humble’s extensive cucumber and radish crops. The show ends, as usual, with the Keystone Cops driving a car off the end of a dock.
The humorous and/or informative commentary that humble delivers between the songs is approximated below:
1. Should teachers be graded on student achievement test scores? My friend Heather says that teachers should be graded on student achievement test scores only on those students with parents who passed a test permitting them to have children. Heather says that it matters way more which tree the apple falls from and which orchard it originates from than where it is peeled and pressed.
2. If you live in Maine you were not surprised to read that a “Maine official wants to cut liquor prices to improve sales.” Yes, here’s a Maine official who wants Maine people to drink more whiskey. Your first question is probably, “Was he appointed by our governor?” and I have to tell you that I don’t know You know, if this program to get Maine people to drink more whiskey works, will it be long before crafty Maine officials will run television ads to sell more cigarettes? And how about ads to get Maine people to drink more beer? Guess not. That one's already maxed out.
3. We read in the newspaper that "Maine teachers don’t want student achievement to play big part in their evaluations" Anyone who has taught anywhere for 20 years can tell you why. When you Googled, you discovered that the teachers in Finland produce about the highest achievers in the western world. And you read that they go years between tests. To paraphrase a comment once made by a farmer in North Whitefield (so it can be said on television), “You can’t beat manure and get whipped cream.” One of my most memorable educational achievements was teaching a little boy how to wipe his nose on a handkerchief and not on the back of his hand. I got him to the point where he could sit at the lunch counter at Moody’s Diner without offending anyone, and, although social skills are not measured on a test, it was appreciated by his friends. Please listen closely to this question and then you tell me what you’d do --- Would you, as a teacher, rather be evaluated on the test achievements of students in a town where most of the parents are college graduates with high paying jobs, or --- would you rather be evaluated on the progress your students who live in the poorest areas of Maine where most parents can’t write a coherent sentence in any language and prove it by sending letters to the editor of your local paper? Please let me repeat what we talked about earlier: Which matters more? --- the tree the apple falls from and in which orchard it originates --- or where it is peeled and pressed? What would happen if teachers were evaluated on student achievement test scores --- only when those students have parents who passed a test permitting them to have children.
4. I have in my hand a check from US Airlines. The Amount on the check is $1,298. And no cents. Nice round number. Don’t you wish that US Airlines would send you a check for $1,298? I hope you have better luck finding US Airlines than I did. Yes, would you be surprised to hear that your buddy humble can find no company named US Airlines? Someone has spent a lot of money sending out checks from a company that doesn’t seem to exist. Whatever would motivate anyone to do something like that? I thought Bernie Madoff was in jail. There is a telephone number attached to the check: 1-866-955 and so on. If I have time this week I’m going to call that number. What do you suppose I’ll be able to tell you next week if I do?
5. For years you have had me say that I don’t see any sense in keeping a pet that you can’t eat. But only a very foolish old man would boast that he never changes his mind. Yes, your buddy humble has have arrived at the age where he would not mind having a pet that did absolutely nothing but wander around in his house and keep him company all day. So --- keep your eyes open. If you can find an animal that can be taught the Heimlich Maneuver and administer CPR, I will bring it to my home and feed it.
6. Some children have self destructive tendencies. Living on the edge is part of having "fun." They drive fast. They don't wear seatbelts. They drive snowmobiles. They smoke. They drink. To experience the thrill of belonging they crowd into rooms without exits to watch bands that employ fireworks that should only be set off outdoors. And the rest of us sigh and wonder how we ever lived to be 40.
7. There are horror movies where people drip blood and there are gangster movies in which problems are settled with machine guns. There are kick boxing matches that strain one’s ability to comprehend such unmitigated brutality and there are Civil War movies in which the colonel smokes. But when it comes to doing the worst thing I have ever seen on any screen Clint Eastwood gets my vote. You might have seen High Plains Drifter in which Clint comes into town and shoots three men and rapes a woman before he’s had time to take off his hat. You might remember the scene in that movie that disturbed me. It is of course the one in which he gives two cute little Indian children two huge glass jars full of candy.
8. Welfare is a win-win for business because business is the ultimate benefactor of welfare. It’s a win-win for business because they end up with the handout money at the same time they are able to cry about the cost of welfare and point their fingers at “lazy” people. Let’s analyze the situation. You know, of course that there are more people on welfare who are working than people on welfare who are not working. Who profits when working people get benefits from the government? The employer who is paying the employee such a low wage that the employee is eligible for state aid. If wages were higher, workers would not be eligible for government benefits and the government would no longer be subsidizing business.
9. From time to time I feel obligated to tell you something that will make your life happier and easier. Now is one of those times, so please listen carefully. Never talk politics with someone who is giving you an injection or cutting your hair.
10. I just Googled “How many people in the U. S. choke on ballpoint pens every year” and got a web site that told me where I could buy them.

Thank you for considering The humble Farmer.

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Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Tuesday, February 5, 2013 - 08:17

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