Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2013 0120

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Episode Description:

The humble Farmer show for January 20, 2013

56 minutes. Contains 5.30 of Denny Breau playing at the Monhegan School.

Well received in Northern New England for 34 years, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show that has delighted young and old alike every week since April 6, 1978 for radio --- and now for television.

Music by: Clark Terry, Natalie Cole, Scott Hamilton, Kinney’s Cotton Pickers, Clarence Williams, Earl Hines and Denny Breau.

This show contains 5.30 minutes of Denny Breau

humble is joined again on camera by his young friend, Sylvia, whose smile is now generating much of humble’s fan mail.

The video over the music is of humble’s friend in Florida taking some man toys to be repaired by Clyde, the mechanical genius, and getting his friend’s huge motor home ready for a trip. Mr. Alligator and Percy, Clyde’s pet pig, make cameo appearances.

All of this is tame fare, indeed, for viewers expecting someone to be shot, arrested or blown up.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out with Percy the pig arriving home from the garage with Clyde. Most of the songs and commentary are separated by an outtake consisting of items considered to command attention. The show ends, as usual, with the Keystone Cops driving a car off the end of a dock.
The humorous and/or informative commentary that humble delivers between the songs is approximated below:
January 20, 2013
1. From time to time I feel obligated to tell you something that will make your life happier and easier. Now is one of those times, so please listen carefully. Never talk politics with someone who is giving you an injection or cutting your hair.
2. Is your kid going to college? Here’s something you don’t even want to think about. A woman who stopped in to visit said that her son had a cholesterol test of --- 400, I think it was. Very high. When the doctor saw it, he called in a panic. Told the kid to come in to his office before he died. Kid came in to the office, had another test and I think it was down to 160. Come to find out the kid had eaten lunch one day at his fraternity house.
3. Do you have brilliant friends who send you articles to read --- and when you check out the credentials of the author you discover that the scientific community believes that he or she is a quack? It is little things like this that remind us that being brilliant and educated doesn't keep one from being crazier than a hootie owl. If you think about this, as I did in the shower this morning, you might realize that a goodly percentage of your friends and relatives behave like Robin Williams and Jim Cary in a TV sit-com loony bin. You’ll hear your mentally challenged friends say, “Am I the only one in this world with any sense? Everyone but me is so crazy.” Compare them with a rational man like me, for example. In me you have a man who could never afford to have children. Your buddy humble knew he couldn’t even afford to take care of himself so he realized that he’d never be able to afford to feed and raise a nest of ankle biters. Here’s a man with a social conscience. Talk about being different. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself if it were possible that you were a bit unbalanced? If you have never wondered if you were crazy, isn’t there a possibility that you are?
4. Do you like to laugh? You have often heard that stress kills and laughter heals. I like to believe that laughter heals because for years I stood before audiences and created an environment that was conducive to laughter. I say that I only created an environment that was conducive to laugher because you can’t “make” anyone laugh. But if I were to live my life over, I think I’d be one of those motivational speakers companies bring in. You know, to get more work out of their employees. Radio Friend Tim White says, “Motivational speakers appeal to the philosophy that the situation is serious but not hopeless. Comedians take the approach that the situation is hopeless but not serious." Motivational speakers spout platitudes that make meeting planners feel they’re earning their money and motivational speakers get paid a lot more than those of us who simply generate laughter. Yes, you knew I was going to give you an example. The basic premise promulgated by touchie-feelie motivational speakers is that there are no such things as problems but only opportunities. You see, the problem is an opportunity to profit. Here’s what we’re talking about. You might have read about the Brunswick man who was enraged when someone beat him out of a parking place. He came back all fuming and boiling and scraped the paint off the offending car with his key. And because this man who was unable to control himself was caught on a surveillance camera everybody knows who this man is. This is a great opportunity. Get it? Without any expenditure of effort the Maine Tea Party has found their next gubernatorial candidate.
5. When I talked on this show about a town in Montana, a professor at Colby took me to task for not knowing how to pronounce Helena. I do appreciate his calling this to my attention, but you should know that my IQ is so low that I would not be able to remember the difference between Helena and Helena if I tried. If you think my pronunciation of Helena is bad, you should be a Frenchman listening to me talk French or a Dutchman listening to me talk Dutch or a German listening to me talk German or a Dane listening to me talk Danish or a Norwegian listening to me talk Norwegian or a Swede listening to me talk Swedish or a Mexican listening to me talk Spanish. Any one of them would be glad to change places with you. I met a French teacher at the Common Ground Fair who almost burst into tears when she reprimanded me. I think she said my assaults on the French language were the worst she had heard in her thirty years of teaching the language. I must boast, however, that the few words I do know in Finnish, which I learned from the older Finnish boys when I was in grade school, I can pronounce well enough, so that when I say them in Finland grown men blush and whisper, "We don't use those words here."
6. Have you ever heard of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? You can read about them in a book by Terry Pratchett. The book is called The Thief of Time, but I was introduced to it by Der Zeitdieb, the German edition which is my morning reading. Although my German has room for much improvement, I understand that when the time for the end of the world arrives, Death rides out on his white horse but has trouble rounding up his friends. War’s wife is a Type-A controlling type woman who doesn’t want War out galloping about where she can’t keep him under her thumb. Chaos has reversed the letters in his name to Soak, and Ronnie Soak is running a milk route which he enjoys. He’s thinking about expanding to include ice cream on weekends which he believes will increase his customer base and be even more profitable. So Ronnie is rather hesitant to ride off with Death and leave the good thing that he has going. Pestilence --- I can’t remember what Pestilence was doing or perhaps I haven’t got that far, but anyone who has read a couple of books by Terry Pratchett might well expect that Pestilence has become lax in his ways and will be found helping Mother Teresa cure lepers. If you’re amused by mythology with a new twist, you’d probably like this book. The name of it is the Thief of Time and it was written by the English author Terry Pratchett.
7. A long time radio friend who knows more about clean living than anyone I know, says: "I discourage the use of agave nectar. There are several reasons why it's an unhealthy alternative, the primary one being that it's 90% fructose, 10% glucose. And there are a dozen + reasons why fructose is downright dangerous, and the main reason why fruit juice is bad for you. Fructose contains no nutrients (unlike maple syrup or honey), increases uric acid, reduces the sensitivity of insulin receptors, is metabolized by the liver and converts to fat more easily than any other sugar. Fructose also raises serum triglycerides (blood fats) significantly. And that's just the tip of the iceberg! Now do y'all see why HFCS is such bad news?" No, I don’t. And I don’t think there is one person in a hundred who understood what my radio friend said. If you want to educate me and teach me better eating habits stick with --- sweet drinks bad, water good, and you'll have an audience.
8. If you will please give me your attention I will tell you about Wilder Oaks. Wilder Oaks is a Maine artist who is actually able to sell his paintings for a lot of money. Wilder Oaks is so successful when it comes to selling his paintings that he doesn’t even need to say bad things about the Wyeths or the Farnsworth Museum, which is almost unheard of in the artistic circles I frequent in my home town of St. George, Maine.
Wilder Oaks sells his paintings because they are colorful and because there is humor and a story in every one of them. On the wall of my office is a copy of his picture of the dog with its tongue hanging out.
Because you can recognize people and places in Wilder’s paintings without graduating from an art academy, and, because he is able to sell the things, most Maine artists who aren’t selling anything will tell you that Wilder Oaks is not an artist at all but merely a Christmas card illustrator who has sold out to the establishment. If you need any more proof that his work contains not one redeeming feature, listen to this: I think it’s funny. I like it.
Thank you for considering The humble Farmer.

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Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Friday, January 25, 2013 - 03:11

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