Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2012 0401.mpg

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Episode Description:

The humble Farmer show for April 1, 2012

Well received in Northern New England for 34 years this week, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show that has delighted young and old alike every week since April 6, 1978 for radio --- and now for television.

Music by: Clark Terry, Coleman Hawkins, Duke Ellington, Montana Slim, Frank Sinatra and Denny Breau.

This show contains 2.41 minutes of Denny Breau playing guitar at a humor/music show Denny did with humble.

This week humble is joined on camera by his young friend, Sylvia, whose smile might well enable her to soon seize control of the entire show.

The video over the music is mostly footage from humble putting a new double pane window in the back of his 200-year-old farmhouse in St. George, Maine. Tame fare, indeed, for viewers expecting someone to be shot, arrested or blown up.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out with humble drinking a cup of coffee to get high enough to make the show. The show ends, as usual, with the Keystone Cops driving a car off the end of a dock.

Here's the approximate humorous commentary for The humble Farmer show for the week of April 1, 2012.
1. I just looked at a web site video that said, "Air pollution is making you sick." But first I had to watch a commercial for weed spray.
2. Ever hear of Montana Slim? Montana Slim recorded such classics as I Wish I Was Single Again, and Give Her Back Her Hearing Aids -- Grandma's Courtin Again. They are worth a listen on YouTube and I plan to play them on my radio program this week. My friend Alden asked me if I'd put some Montana Slim on a CD for him. I just finished capturing Montana Slim singing A Little Log Shack I Can Always Call My Home. Montana Slim lived on 180 acres in New Jersey before he moved to Orlando.
3. There’s an awful lot of overlap between Republican talking points and business talking points. If a company records a huge profit, that’s “good news,” even if they did it by laying people off or breaking a union. I heard about this from an MIT chemist over 5 years ago. He said that the U. S. was going to be outstripped by other countries because the U. S. companies kept their eye on the bottom line for the quarter instead of what was going to happen 5 or 10 or 20 years down the road. He said that this is the way it worked when he started with a company 30 or 40 years ago. A chemist with a PhD right out of MIT had a few months to putter around and find something that would make the company long range profits. The company would then give the project the green light, and the company would profit year after year. Now, he told me, if the company has to look good for that quarter, they might fire 200 chemists so the bottom line for that quarter will look good for the stockholders. Of course, that destroys the company down the road. It is this shortsightedness that many of us can't understand --- the drill, baby, drill. Whatcha gonna do when the well runs dry? Shouldn't we be saving some of that oil for future generations? Why should oil companies pay no taxes and get incentives to drill? You don’t even need to give financial incentives to individuals to get them to put solar hot water heaters and solar panels on their homes. Just show them how it can save them money and encourage them to do it.
4. Wee Gates? Como Estas? Hur star det til? Kaip Gevoicheck? You might have heard me say that I’m getting cranky in my old age. Almost anything and everything is now capable of making me cranky. Someone calls. If I’m sitting right on top of the phone and can answer it on the first ring, I say, “Robert Skoglund. Sorry to keep you waiting.” If the salesman one the other end who wants to sell me something says, “Hi Robert. How are you?” it makes me cranky. If there is something I can do for you, please tell me what it is but don’t call me on the telephone to ask me how I am because it makes me cranky. When I bump into acquaintances on the street and they say, “Hi Robert. How are you?” I say, “Sick, tired, old, weak, and ugly.” If you don’t think that’s a nice thing to do, remember that in answer to the question I could clutch at my chest and drop, coughing, to my knees.
5. Shed no tears for me when I tell you that I could never afford to have children. Marsha’s oldest granddaughter visited us for a weekend so I was able to realize the same grandchild benefits at a fraction of the cost and effort. And, for the first time in my life I was able to aid in the development of a young, receptive pre-school mind. Take, for example, teaching a little one to name the body parts on a stuffed moose. This is the --- nose. This is the --- mouth. These are the ---- eyes. This is an ---- ant-ler. So this other one must be an --- uncle-er. And then there is the mess generated by water colors and play dough. Do you know what happens when you get too old for play dough? You’ll read Aristotle.
6. When I was a little boy my father used to read me a story. All I can remember about the story is that the old woman who lived in the hut at the edge of the forest said, “I have seen seven oak forests grow up and I have seen seven oak forests rot down but I have not seen your brothers.” She might just as well have said, “I have lived here fourscore and seven years but I have not seen your brothers.” In both cases, it is an interesting and creative way to articulate the passage of a large amount of time. “Yes, I’ve known him since Moses was a pup.” All of this came to mind one day when I drove through Rockland. I have not seen oak forests grow up and rot down and I have not even lived fourscore years. But --- you’ve been around a while when you see a huge digging machine knocking down an old building that they put up to replace a store where you used to shop.
7. Did you hear about the Rockland fellow who was the 500th person to walk past a gas station one morning not too long ago? They were doing some kind of promotion at the gas station, and when he walked by the manager trotted up to him and shook his hand and congratulated him and told him that he had just won 100 dollars worth of gas. And the fellow said, “Gee. If I’d have known I would have brought a can.”
8. David wrote: "After reading some stuff by Humble the other day, a friend of mine didn't know how to spell euthanasia, so Google search directed him to Asian Teen Porn."
9. I saw on the news that a carwash was robbed of $100. Many, many times many many pictures of the carwash were flashed on the screen. “Here is the carwash that was robbed last night. Police say …thus and so.” As a man who spent a few years in advertising businesses on television I realized that the $100 that was stolen was advertising money well spent. You remember a few years ago a woman sued McDonalds when she burned herself with hot coffee. The paltry millions that McDonald’s paid out in damages was nothing compared to what they gained by having the big yellow M on the nightly news for weeks. Anyway, if I owned that carwash, when the reporter came over to interview me, I’d say, “Yes, they got away with $100 and I wouldn’t be surprised if they could get more than that if they’d come back next week.”
10. Oppose searching mouths.
11. A Maine newspaper recently ran an article on state employees who are double-dipping. I personally have nothing against people who collect a pension after 20 years and go back to work either there or somewhere else for another 20. Can you name a Senator or Congressman who was voted out or retired and wasn't earning even bigger bucks heading up some professional lobbying association in Washington before the dust had settled on his desk? I couldn't even single-dip. I could never work a regular job, so how can I knock those middle-aged "retired people" who, even though they don’t need the money, can work 8 hours at what I would consider to be an impossibly tiring job. You and I know many people who have retired from the prison or the post office or the military who jumped right into another job. One of the men I respect the most in this life collects a pension from --- I think --- three jobs. He is a very smart man. He is one of these people who have to work. They would die if they could not work. We need these people. Unlike the billionaires who are manipulating Congress today, these double dippers pay taxes. Leave them alone.
Thank you for considering The humble Farmer.

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File Name of SD Episode: humble 2012 0401.mpg

Total SD Episode Video Runtime (hh:mm:ss): 00:55:56

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Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Monday, March 26, 2012 - 09:10

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