Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2012 0129.mpg


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Episode Description:

Well received in Northern New England for over 30 years, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show that has delighted young and old alike every week since April 6, 1978 for radio --- and now for television.

Music by: Clark Terry, Erroll Garner, McKinney’s Cotton Pickers, Ted Weems, and Django Reinhardt.

Much of the video over the music shows artist Bradley Hendershot wandering about on Monhegan, sketching and absorbing inspiration. Bradley meets his friend, actor Bill Meisle, who appeared with Mel Gibson in The Man Without A Face. There is also footage of Richard Benjamin and Paula Prentiss from a film festival in Colorado. There is a soap improvement demonstration by Herman Volkenkrabbers who shows how he improved soap for the soap industry. Tame fare, indeed, for viewers expecting someone to be shot, arrested or blown up.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out with film of humble’s wife Marsha coming into Port Clyde from Monhegan on the Monhegan boat. It ends, as usual, with the Keystone Cops driving a car off the end of a dock.

Here is the approximate humorous commentary for The humble Farmer TV show for the week of January 29, 2012 It starts out with comments on plastic toys from China and how working mothers feed their children

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Have you ever lost your keys in the sand at the beach, had your credit cards stolen from your gym locker, or left your wallet at the tennis court? If these unfortunate situations sound familiar, then perhaps you ought to give up sports.
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If you’ve seen me on television, you might get the impression that I’m quite a natty dresser. I spare no expense to look good for you, my viewers. But my wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, is from Connecticut, where they have a different standard. And one day she asked me why I always wore such ratty clothes. I said, “Clothes don’t amount to nothing. It’s the body inside that counts.” And she said, “Oh, don’t make it any worse than it already is.”
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I probably have books by Frederick Forsyth in my library but I've never read one. Until today I had no idea of what he wrote about. We read that his moral vision is a harsh one: the world is made up of predators and prey, and only the strong survive. His novels typically show the behind the scene ways in which spies, gangsters, assassins, mercenaries, diplomats, business leaders and politicians go about their business. Listen to what the characters in his books do. In one of Frederick Forsyth’s books a corporation executive hires a group of mercenaries to overthrow the government of a small country so that he can install a puppet regime that will allow him cheap access to their natural resources. My word. Is this man writing fiction or is he commenting on American history?
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I will never have time to read a book by Frederick Forsyth. For the rest of this year my bed and bathroom reading will continue to be the mastering of Agatha Christie’s L'assassinio di Roger Ackroyd. Like I've done with other languages, I'm working on this book one page at a time which I read over and over with an English copy in my left hand and the Italian in my right. I like to compare myself with Boxer the horse. You will recall that Boxer tried very hard to learn the alphabet but couldn't get past D. Those of us who are Boxers do our best we can.
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Shortly after a cruise ship was run aground off the Italian coast we read that the ship’s captain and first mate were arrested by the police and are facing charges for manslaughter and abandoning ship. We read that the captain and his first mate were among the first to take a lifeboat to safety, effectively leaving the passengers and crew to fend for themselves. Yes --- the captain and his first mate were among the first to take a lifeboat to safety, effectively leaving the passengers and crew to fend for themselves. When you heard this on the news did it make you wonder what Bush and Cheney are doing nowadays?
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We read that young drivers have collision claim frequencies approximately double those of drivers ages 35-55. Teenagers have particularly high crash rates during their first months of licensure. This was true in my case. When I was 15 I was driving my 1932 Ford coupe convertible too fast while coming up behind a car that I thought contained a friend. Probably Roy Swanson. Because my Ford had mechanical brakes I couldn’t slow down when I caught up and because there was a car coming in the other direction I went into the ditch and passed Ed Tyler on the right. It was a learning experience because in the ensuing 61 years I have driven as if I have no brakes. When I was 16 I was driving my 1926 Ford touring car home from school when the rotten wooden spokes in the right front wheel shattered from an uncushioned pounding, the car pulled to the right into the ditch and the whole car flipped over, dumping me out like water out of a teacup. It was a learning experience because in the ensuing 60 years I have never driven a car unless it had tires on both front wheels. I didn’t have to report the accident to the state police because there was a $50 damage exemption on accidents and I only paid $30 or so for the car. That same night in December of 1952 I played saxophone for a dance at Rockland high school. Luckily, no recordings of the session have survived.
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My wife Marsha has a friend who starred in a movie with Elvis. So her friend gets paid to attend Elvis club meetings so common people like me can sign up to rub elbows with someone who starred in a movie with Elvis. People like to be seen with movie stars and have their pictures taken with movie stars. If you starred in a movie with Elvis or flew his airplane or lived in the same tent with him while you were in the army, you can probably make a living just getting paid to show up at Elvis club meetings and talking about Elvis. This year it is an Elvis cruise to Nassau and my wife’s friend invited her to go along, all expenses paid. So while my wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, was gone it was like being 40 and 50 years old again. All alone, foraging for food. Eating rolled oats and cereal several times a day out of the same dish and pan. When I was single I ate spaghetti every day, but I wouldn’t know where to find the old blue double-boiler colander kettle thing I cooked it in. There might be old men in this world who know how to fry an egg or roast a chicken, but I’m not one of them and I’m not going to learn now. Cooking is too much work. This reminds me that when nobody lives in a house, it doesn't get dirty. When I was an old bachelor, once a year I'd hire a girl to come in and clean. There was really nothing dirty, unless you count dust that settled from having a fire in the kitchen wood stove. So the hired girl would vacuum up the dust. Sometimes she'd get so involved with the attendant intricacies of the job that she'd stay for a month or two. Marsha has stayed on to scrub and clean and cook for 22 or so years and if she doesn’t run off with an Elvis impersonator, she’ll probably hang in here for a few more years. Marsha is what a lobsterman would call, “a counter.”
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Thank you for considering The humble Farmer.

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SD (Standard Definition) File

File Name of SD Episode: humble 2012 0129.mpg

Total SD Episode Video Runtime (hh:mm:ss): 00:55:56

File Size of SD Episode Video: 2,638,395,834 Bytes

Resolution of SD Episode Video: 720x480

Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Sunday, February 12, 2012 - 09:39


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