Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2011 0828.mpg


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Episode Description:

Well received in Northern New England for over 30 years, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show that has delighted young and old alike every week since April 6, 1978 for radio --- and now for television.

Music by: Clark Terry, Wingy Manone, Natalie Cole, Clarence Williams, King Oliver, Scott Hamilton and Errol Garner.

This show contains 6.4 minutes of Denny Breau playing guitar at Dover-Foxcroft.

This week humble is joined on camera by his young friend, Celia, whose smile might well enable her to soon seize control of the entire show. Marsha’s grandchildren also introduce a percussion instrument from Japan called Accu Sticks.

Much of the video over the music shows humble putting in solar radiant heat in his new cellar floor on the new back part of his 200-year-old farmhouse and antique tractors at a Fort Meade show. Tame fare, indeed, for viewers expecting someone to be shot, arrested or blown up.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out with a clip of Virg getting humble some lobsters. The show ends, as usual, with the Keystone Cops driving a car off the end of a dock.

Here's the approximate humorous commentary for The humble Farmer show for the week of August 28, 2011.
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1. You might want to listen closely to this comment a long time radio friend sent me concerning income tax. Please tell me if you agree or disagree. Professor Bill says that, “Our tax structure should ensure that no single person (or corporate person) can acquire enough money to buy more than one politician.”
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2. My computer crashed a month or so ago and here are two things that emerged from the wreckage. I have no idea where I was going with these items when I was brought to my knees by trying to look at my Facebook page and make my television program at the same time. What do you suppose I was going to say about the mother who put itching powder in her son’s bed? He was the paper boy and it was the only way she could get him out of bed so he could deliver newspapers in the morning. And what do you suppose I was going to say about the Maine man who was locked up in jail for nothing in particular? It was just accumulated crimes in general. Usually drugs or alki are involved in stupid he said-she said crimes whether the person convicted was guilty or not. Because my computer crashed, my salient comments on these and several other items have been irretrievably lost. You are invited to make up your own endings.
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3. Some of my good old radio friends have not yet forgiven me for my nasty habit of passing along to you what I glean each day by opening the Encyclopedia Britannica at random and reading, because as a result of my doing so it means that they live in a remote part of Maine where they might catch the show on cable television but they can no longer hear me on the radio. I heard from Greg down in Arundel today who was growling about not being able to hear humble. But, I’m too old to learn from my mistakes and here is what I chanced to read in volume 20 this morning. If you will Google William Robertson Smith you will find on Wikipedia just about what I read about him in the Encyclopedia Britannica, which he edited. --- Scottish Semitic scholar and encyclopaedist, whose introduction in the pages of Encyclopedia Britannica of the new higher Old Testament led to his being accused of heresy. A church committee reported that Smith’s advanced views were incompatible with his being a teacher of candidates for the ministry and he was suspended from his teaching duties. Although he was regarded by continental scholars as the foremost Semitic scholar in Britain he was suspended and the assembly voted no confidence in him as a professor and he was removed from his chair. So even back in 1877 there were a few people around who didn’t like what scholars had written for the Encyclopedia Britannica. I’m old, so I still enjoy reading what top scholars have written on this or that. But young Maine people do not turn to musty old books when they are seeking accurate information on this or that. Luckily, when our young friends want to know what’s going on in the world, all they have to all they have to do is turn on those purveyors of truth and education, Fox “News” or Maine Public Radio.
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4. Although I’m not yet one of the people who slips the driver a dollar thirty-five to “help out with gas” when he takes me to town, I’m obviously still living in the good old days. This became clear when I got a note asking me to help counter the inevitable Republican attacks against our Environmental Protection Agency. I was informed that even a small gift of $40 would make a huge difference. $40 is not a small gift. Did you ever stop to realize that when $40 is a tenth of one’s monthly income, it is a much larger amount than $400 when that is a tenth of one’s monthly income? Is this a relatively simple concept? This is why it would be easier for someone who earns $50,000 a year to pay a 50 percent income tax, than it would be for someone who earns $20,000 a year to pay a 50 percent income tax. This is why, if they think about it, some people who earn a million dollars a year might go along with a 50 percent flat income tax on everybody. They’d still be rich, and it would generate a class of people who’d be glad to work for the rich for only food and a place to sleep. The person earning a million would have to try to pay for food and shelter with $500,000 a year. People who earned $10 an hour or $20,000 a year would have to try to pay for food and shelter with $10,000 a year. This 50 percent income tax would work very well here if our society provided social services to all citizens because a 50 percent tax on the top 1 percent of American incomes would probably provide every imaginable service to everyone. But with the cost of wars eating that 50 percent in our present system, because the people who end up with $10,000 a year might also want to buy clothing or visit a dentist, as we mentioned earlier, there would likely be cadres of them looking for jobs around the house or grounds. They would, of course, be paid under the table or simply work for food and a dry place to sleep. Come to think of it, for the past 6 winters my wife and I have worked for an elderly woman in Florida for only food and a warm, dry place to sleep. This might be a good time to point out that this is why certain political parties discourage all kinds of birth control. The lower classes must be encouraged to breed like rabbits to keep them poor and to provide that cheap labor. Any glut on a labor market drives wages down even more until society could return again to the days when some $500,000 households could once again be able to easily afford several maids, grounds keepers and a butler. The only thing lacking would be a Charles Dickens to write it up for posterity.
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5. Are you ready to hear a few words about a beautiful article I read in the newspaper? It was about a young Maine girl who greeted her boyfriend at one of those heartwarming receptions when, after several months in Iraq, a planeload of heroes flew into Bangor. The two young people quickly located each other and hugged, after exchanging the ubiquitous yellow rose. We read that they had only dated a short while before his deployment but that his absence had made their relationship stronger. Now, a couple of years later, we read in the same newspaper that the police have been called to this man's home several times recently. He is accused of pointing deadly weapons at his wife and child. When we see another family tragedy in the making could we ask ourselves if the young man is to blame? Is one not likely to acquire nervous habits when being shot at by the natives of any country being invaded? And right here let’s confess that if soldiers from Peru or Mongolia or Sweden or anywhere else were tramping through your back yard and breaking down an occasional neighbor’s door or dropping bombs on your brother’s barn, wouldn’t you be out there with me and other freedom fighters trying to pick off a few with booby traps? With any luck, some of the more intelligent invaders would forget their boot camp we’re-here-to-help brainwashing and gradually get the impression that Maine people would like to see them get back in their airplanes and go back to Brazil or wherever they came from and leave us alone. You and I know that cheerful young men who are shot at while invading another country inevitably return home with bad habits. As we said, some even point guns at family members. If a deranged veteran ever does pull the trigger, it’s a win-win for corporate America: they made money on the war that messed up his mind and now he’ll spend the rest of his life in one of their cash-crop prisons.
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6. There is no question but what a television set dictates the reading habits in any home. I must confess to you that for years a television set dictated my reading habits and I’m going to tell you about that now. I wouldn’t have a television set if I lived alone, but when an old man marries, the television sets that appear seem to breed like earwigs. My wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, recently inherited an old flat screen television set and, as I said, our first flat screen rich-kid television has drastically changed my reading habits. This is why. The bulky old television set was on a stand right in front of Marsha’s two dozen or so volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica that I read every day and from which I get so much of the radical information that I’ve passed along to you for years. The flat screen television enables me to now access volumes that I’ve never been able to get off the shelf before, so expect to hear me expounding on many exciting fresh topics between Nitrogen and Zulu. When I read about Nixon in a volume that was printed before he left office, I wanted to vote for him. Listen to this Nixon quote from 1974. "I shall propose a sweeping new program that will assure comprehensive health-insurance protection to millions of Americans who cannot now obtain it or afford it, with vastly improved protection against catastrophic illnesses.” Did you realize that almost 40 years ago Nixon tried to introduce the kind of health care that would have brought us up to the level of most industrialized countries? When I mentioned this to a history professor the other night, he said, “Yeah, at the time Ted Kennedy opposed it.”
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7. Did you read the story about the dog that wandered into a man’s yard, curled up and took a nap? Every day the dog would walk into the yard, curl up and take a nap. One day the man put a note on the dog’s collar that said, “I’d like to meet the owner of this wonderful dog who takes a nap in my yard every day.” When the dog came back the next day there was a note on his collar that said, “He lives in a home with six small children. He’s trying to catch up his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?
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8. Did you hear about the man on the so-called bath salts drug who saw people coming out of his mattress? We anticipate a time when the man who saw people coming out of his mattress will be in great demand. Can you think of any political party that wouldn’t like to have him and his magic mattress show up at the town office on election day?
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Thank you for considering The humble Farmer.

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File Name of SD Episode: humble 2011 0828.mpg

Total SD Episode Video Runtime (hh:mm:ss): 00:55:56

File Size of SD Episode Video: 2,660,655,108 Bytes

Resolution of SD Episode Video: 720x480

Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Sunday, December 4, 2011 - 06:28


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