Show: The humble Farmer

Episode: humble 2011 1002.mpg

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Episode Description:

Well received in Northern New England for over 30 years, this is the same old fashioned music and humorous social commentary show that has delighted young and old alike every week since April 6, 1978 for radio --- and now for television.

Music by: Clark Terry, Rob McConnell, Erroll Garner, John Thyhsen, Lee Morse and Scott Hamilton.

This show contains 4.1 minutes of Jason Philbrook telling about the advantages of using an old camera.

Much of the video over the music shows humble putting a new energy efficient window in the back of his 200-year-old farmhouse. Tame fare, indeed, for viewers expecting someone to be shot, arrested or blown up.

The show is tightly scripted. It starts out with a clip of The humble Farmer’s cows. It ends, as usual, with the Keystone Cops driving a car off the end of a dock.

Here's the approximate humorous commentary for The humble Farmer show for the week of October 2, 2011.
1. We hear that at least one Maine school requires cell phones to be turned off during the school day. The goal is to eliminate distractions. Anyone who has spent a few days in a high school classroom over the past year knows that students do not need cell phones to be distracted.
2. We read that there were 46.2 million poor in the U. S. in 2010 — the largest number of people living in poverty since record-keeping began 52 years ago. This should not have happened because Obama made an honest attempt to increase the income of the lower classes by giving tax breaks to the super rich. Now we read that Obama intends to solve the poverty problem by giving even more tax breaks to the super rich. If you’ve read any U. S. political commentary in European newspapers lately, you probably laughed at all those ignorant foreign economists for being unable to figure out how this is supposed to work.
3. You might have heard that a couple of teenage boys found a liquor bottle in a neighbor’s garage and drank what was in it. We are told that there was antifreeze in the bottle. Boo Hoo. Was the neighbor to blame for putting antifreeze in a liquor bottle and leaving it on a shelf in his garage? You know, if the boys laughed at you when you were in high school because you were the only guy in the gang who refused to drink anything containing alcohol, you might laugh out loud every time you read about high school boys draining a liquor bottle containing antifreeze.
4. If you’ve been to Jerusalem, you have probably seen the famous wall. As I recall, one walks down to see it, and I mentioned this on a recent show. Radio friend Jack writes, “I have never gotten to see the wall because when I tried to get in to Israel I was stopped at the border and put on the first camel south because my passport was so polluted with Arab visas from all across North Africa that the Israelis took one look and said no, no, no, no and NO!” Yes, yes, Jack. This reminds me that I saw a kid shaken down in the Tel Aviv airport because he had so many Arab stamps on his passport. He’d been there for hours. They are pretty fussy about what they read on your passport over there. Yes indeed.
5. We had two kids from Bonn here for two days in the B&B. They got a 20% discount for speaking German with me. You know I love to hear other languages. I was driving around in Bonn on my moped before they were born. And, speaking of speaking German, at the last Penobscot Language School party, I was speaking my brand of German to a man who said he’d lived in Germany and was going to teach a course at the school. But he kept saying, “uuuhhh” and ummm. I finally said I couldn’t believe he was fluent in German because he had such a struggle with the language. His problem, I told him, was that he was worrying about speaking it correctly and had to think. When I speak German I just say what I want to say and I get a room or a hot dog or directions or usually whatever it is I want. Even when I’m speaking English I don’t give a rat’s rear end for grammar or pronunciation because communication is the primary reason for the existence of any language. Anything beyond the function of bare-bones communication simply enables you to flaunt your erudition. Europe has changed since I first lived there over 50 years ago. Nowadays when I don’t know a word in some Indo European language, I say it in English and ask a native what it is. Nowadays, unless you are in an Italian prison, it is very difficult for an American to go to Europe and learn another language because most young Europeans refuse to speak anything but English. It is my belief that most Dutch people would rather slash their wrists than speak Dutch with an American.
6. My wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, is from away. Her father taught in Manchester so she is from Vernon, Connecticut. I sometimes get letters from radio friends who confess that they are from away. Don’t feel bad about being from away. The Tolmans didn’t get to Rockland until 1757 but those of us who are natives still go out of our way to make them feel welcome.
7. When I bought my house 41 years ago there were several large iron staples lying around in the cellar. They are 29 inches long on the back and the two sharp pins on the ends are 5 inches long. If I showed them to a friend today and asked him what they were, he would probably say, “They were common in house and barn construction 200 years ago. I’m surprised that you don’t know that.” Should I say, “I already knew that --- I was wondering if you did” or should I simply thank him for contributing to my education? You have to be careful what you say to people because a lot of people are touchy.
8. And now we will consider the parable of the drowning man who falls off a boat in the middle of the ocean. He knows that no matter how long he paddles and struggles, the end is inevitable. He is going to be overcome by the inexorable endless power of the sea and that all attempts at survival are useless. I am going to repeat that last line because it is very important in understanding this story. He knows that no matter how long he paddles and struggles, the end is inevitable. He is going to be overcome by the inexorable endless power of the sea and that all attempts at survival are useless. You have often heard me say that there can only be one boss in a marriage and the quicker a man realizes that and gets into line, the happier the marriage will be. My wife Marsha, The Almost Perfect Woman, and I are more content and compatible than most of our married friends because if scrubbing and cleaning and cooking and scraping paint for 18 hours a day puts a smile on my wife’s face, who am I to destroy a happy home by throwing obstacles in her path. But from time to time I trip and stumble and when George Sprowl said he was going to do some sandblasting I snatched the 4 rusty clawed feet off our antique bathtub and packed them in a bag for him to take along. Sandblasting and painting those rusty bathtub legs was a little project that had been right on the top of my list for 30 or 40 years. Of course, when I took off the legs I jammed some planks under the bathtub and shimmed it up with wooden shingles so I wouldn’t have to unhook the pipes. But this morning my wife decided she didn’t like the planks sticking half way across the bathroom floor because she’d stubbed her toe and suggested that I saw them off. The planks, not the toes. I very correctly pointed out that George would have the legs ready in three days and that she could live with the planks sticking out into the floor until then. I invite you now to think back to our man and his struggle with the sea and ask you to guess what happened to those planks in the bathroom.
Thank you for considering The humble Farmer.

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SD (Standard Definition) File

File Name of SD Episode: humble 2011 1002.mpg

Total SD Episode Video Runtime (hh:mm:ss): 00:55:56

File Size of SD Episode Video: 2,660,655,108 Bytes

Resolution of SD Episode Video: 720x480

Date SD Episode Video Uploaded: Saturday, October 15, 2011 - 17:12

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